However, the first two categories all went to heck as both babes came into the world via c-section, the first not breathing, the second, giving me one more scream and kick to the kidneys on the way out. The first was very scary…and resulted in a strange sense of disattachment from the long awaited fruit of loving my husband in the backseat of his car. The second, planned c-section carried a strong desire to clutch that boy close because at that point, having had 13 months of experience in the parenting world and forming that coveted attachment to my daughter, I knew what the heck I was doing, and nobody was going to tell me any different.

Then came the world of early parenthood scrutiny. We all knowingly imagine the horror of being stuck in the grocery store check out with a full cart and one, if not two screaming children and the knowledge that people are quietly, if not loudly judging your ability to handle the situation. If you attempt to breastfeed your child right there, you are looked at in disgust. If your child screams, you are looked at with irritation. If you desert the cart and leave, you are looked at with scorn because you don’t know how to make your kid(s) stop crying. This is the challenge that all parents face in some way. The point is that while a child learns to apprehend the world and make her way around it, her parents must also learn to negotiate her development as a learning strategy on her terms and theirs, and no one else.

With that in mind, a pat on the belly can thus be seen as a knowing, helping hand that has experienced the development of both child and parent simultaneously. In other words, they know what you are in for in a well-meaning way.

Have no fear, the challenges of parenthood can seem daunting, but the experience of it does pay off. You’ll know it the first moment your son looks into your eyes.