Wed 11 Oct 2006
i’ve been trying to learn to play well with others.
not in person…though those lessons wouldn’t hurt. much. but despite the admittedly sorry state of my social life (i watched “Dancing with the Stars” the other night – and found it thought-provoking), it’s my blogging that’s really gotten lonely.
it’s taken awhile for me to notice. i started this blog almost six months ago, just before O was born. it’s basically been just a semi-public journal for me…a place to record bits of the path Oscar and Dave and i are trying to navigate. and a reason to keep using words with more than one syllable, which is a big deal, these days. :)
mostly, it’s been a replacement for all those mass emails i’d bombarded my dear, polite family and friends (hereafter referred to as “my fine readership”) with throughout my pregnancy and bedrest. with the blog, they could choose to learn the finer details of my cervical status, or not…they had options. and i love blogging. i’ve always gotten a sense of focus and accomplishment out of writing. having an actual audience, even of twelve (this means you, my fine readership) feeds my sense of creativity. my creativity, sadly, has always been suspiciously externally motivated. i am a wannabe prima donna of words.
but starting the blog didn’t magically turn me into a blogger, not really. it seems that participating in the grand social networking experiment that is the blogosphere takes more than just posting your own ramblings on a website…it’s an interactive thing. and i didn’t interact. i didn’t start to read other people’s blogs, or comment on them, or link to them…i stayed an island here in ye olde crib. i birthed a baby ten days after i birthed the blog, and most of my energy since has been honed in on more rudimentary yet rewarding tasks such as getting spitup off my shirts, and the like. i’ve been so tired i forgot i could read.
but, satisfying though a spit-free shirt may be, that learning curve does plateau, eventually. mercifully. and as the wild initiation into motherhood evens out a little, i begin to realize that there are other people out there chronicling the experience of parenting, too. and doing it really well, damn their jaunty turns of phrase.
in the past couple of weeks, i’ve become a blog junkie. Oscar happily playing with his toes for three minutes? his mothers sneaks into blogs. Oscar contentedly chewing on “Cat in the Hat”? his mother is trying to get the damn laptop to refresh, already. i’ve linked to a few of my favourites in the “baby stuff” category on the right sidebar. these women are amazing. they’re funny. they’re ruthless, and heartbreaking. they’re smarter than anybody on “Dancing with the Stars,” i suspect. and some of them write everyday. i am agog.
so now i want to join in the reindeer games, too. i want cribchronicles to actually have some kind of linked, searchable existence on the internet, and expand my fine readership to include people who don’t actually know me in person and know when i’m exaggerating. i want to join the 21st century and the community of other mom bloggers. i just don’t quite know where to begin.
now, Dave is a geek. he’s wired, and webbed, and self-taught, and amazingly good at problem-solving most things tech-like. he likes to call the net “the interwebs,” and then laugh maniacally. i can never remember exactly who it is he’s mocking when he says that. i think it’s one of those scary-funny DOPA-evangelizing politicians who’ve never actually used a computer and think the net is a series of pneumatic tubes…but i’m not sure. about the politician and the “interwebs” reference, that is, not the tubes.
i am not a geek. i am probably a nerd, a word i’ve always found perversely endearing, but i digress. i do get nervous when i have to learn to do anything new on the computer. but eventually i get over myself, and the new thing becomes a familiar thing…it’s just the transition that sucks. thanks to Dave’s capacity and willingness to fix whatever horrible technical mistakes i may make, like erasing the entire site, or linking to porn by accident, i do firmly believe that i could learn to make the blog all snazzy and hyperlinked and professional-looking. yay Dave.
i just kinda wish he could do it for me. because figuring out where and how to begin, by myself, is going to take time. time searching out even more blogs, and commenting on them, and hunting down the tags feature on WordPress…all those things. and time worrying whether my stats are going up, and whether i’m gaining in popularity, and how to enhance my assets so as to appear charming to a broad audience. it’s already 11:30 pm. poor Oscar is coughing in the next room, and my head should be on my pillow. i don’t have to time to fret myself into a lather about whether or not people i will never meet can find me charming in print. er…screen.
sigh. but i want them to. because i want to belong to a community, these days…i want a slightly bigger stage. i love my daily audience of one, more than i – word-focused as i am – had ever imagined i could love a human being who couldn’t talk out loud. but still. the sound of my own voice echoes, sometimes.