I can remember thinking the exact same thoughts as you did – how can someone turn their back and leave a precious life they created? It’s almost unfathomable to me. But it happens.

If nothing else, I hope sharing this helps maybe get some of it out in the open. At least he will know how you feel. Whether he responds, may be a different story. I hope you’ll keep us posted as to how your relationship continues!

By the way – you’re baby IS SOOOO DARN CUTE!

This is a very powerful piece of writing…thanks for your honesty.

I really identified with a lot on that post, not to mention that I thouroughly enjoyed the afternoon with my kids and my beautiful nephew, I do have a most wonderful crush on that boy….

My father (or other genetic donor if you would) lived a 10 minute drive away from me, and you and your father are much closer than he and I are, or really ever have been, and yes when he actually bothers with me I get that same nervous school girl twittering feeling that you so aptly described.

I was fortunate though that my mother decided to marry my “dad” who has been more than a father to me since I was 11 years old

Instead of having wonderful memories of daddy, I have tearful memories of my mother struggling to support us.

By the way, I love your writing style. Very engaging.

and Cath, yeh, i’ve forgiven, long ago, and i actually don’t wish that my father had stayed. just stayed a little closer. moved back a little sooner. made life choices that were in some way related to me. it’s the being incidental that cuts…and always has, but now that i’m a parent i find it harder to excuse without in some way turning in on myself…hence the small voice that pipes up. the hurt is fresh again.

my father and my stepmother are good people…i’m quite fond of both of them. and i loved the afternoon on the pond. but sometimes, emotionally, wow it’s weird that we all live here now when my entire childhood i would have given my teeth for a day like that. it’s not that it’s too little , too late…it’s more like being taken to Disneyland at 35, almost sadder than never going.

i love the photo. i love the fact that when O is older you will show him this – his first time “on skates”. all three of you are lucky to have this memory. your father is the one who missed out! you grew up without a father, but that, in itself, has contributed to the woman you are now. and i reckon you might just have turned out ok!!

and, think of the relationship you are able to have with your father now. which you may not have been able to have with him had he stayed and developed resentment for a life he wasn’t ready for.

you look at your child and wonder how anyone could leave such a new an incredible creation – a creation that is yours. and you wonder how your father could have done just that… left his amazing new creation. but your father is not you. and he had his own things to deal with, and his own way of dealing with them. things would have been a whole lot different had he stayed… but would they be better??

the simple fact that your father is behind the camera in this photo, i think, is really something. you’ve forgiven him. you may not feel like you’ve forgiven, but somewhere, i think you have. you want to let him into your life. you want him to be a part of O’s life.

that, in itself, is amazing!! you’ve overcome bon. i honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. i know that it’s so frikkin cliched… and i actually really hate saying it for just that reason, but the simple truth is, i believe it. i don’t know why your dad left. but think of who you’ve become – perhaps not because of it, but certainly in spite of it. and think of the life you’re giving O – again, perhaps not because of it, bet deinately in spite of it.

he is one lucky little boy. and you are one incredible and brave woman. you may well always hold some level of resentment for your dad. but i think you’re doing pretty bloody well. again.

you’ve been through alot bon, and once again, though you may not feel like it, it sounds like you’ve conquered. i can’t imagine anyone reading your blog and not feeling so incredibly inspired, and strengthened by it. by you. if only we all could be so selfless…

ps, i love your hat – fabulous!!

Your honesty is refreshing Bon and lets me see beneath my own ice surface.

Thanks, Cyn