Fri 1 Jun 2007
unbound
Posted by bon under mama-baby stuff, stuff stuff
Dave’s parents have a shaky, scratchy old taped-to-VHS home movie of him as a toddler, bumbling across a rolling lawn in polyester pants. in it, he does an uncanny impersonation of a round, giggling, bouncing, silly-putty drunkard - up, and down, and wheeee! up, and down, and hahahaha!
then he bangs his head smack into a concrete step.
and gets up and laughs into the camera, tears streaming from his eyes.
Oscar apparently inherited more than prehensile toes and those blue, upslanted, smiling eyes from daddy. now that he’s walking, he too is a wild, silly-putty-esque rover, toddling and tumbling headlong into as much of the world as he can get his eager, grubby little hands on, squealing with glee. he’s down as much as he’s up, and he’s had a recurring black eye now for over a month, but he will not be held back. there is too much out there to be explored, tasted, giggled at. he totters across our lawn on chubby legs, arms waving like a football fan, laughing at the way the grass tickles. he is wonder incarnate…intoxicated by movement, by living. he is beautiful.
and he scares the living shit out of me.
this month, in Achtung Baby, Her Bad Mother wrote about the bittersweet ache of this path of discovery and exhilaration that our children are on, about the thrill and the terror of watching them take flight, knowing - as they do not - that they are fragile, mortal…that they cannot fly. and yet knowing, remembering, with an act of courage adults are not always willing to engage in, how important it can be to believe that one can.
i had almost forgotten what it felt like to be small, and dangerous, and immortal, until i read her post…and then it came flooding back, all the power of fearlessness…all the joy.
“I know that beneath her wings there is flesh and bone and blood; I know that no matter how immortal she seems or feels, no matter how removed from the exigencies of time and space is her experience of life, no matter how freely she flies… I know that she is as bound to earth and body as am I.
But I also know this: that being bound and feeling bound are two very, very different things, and that once upon a time, a long time ago, I felt unbound. I flew. And the memories of this flight are among the sweetest that I carry.
So. I want for her to fly, as much as she can, while she still believes that she has wings. I want her to be dangerous, to tilt into the wind, to aim at the sun. I want her childhood to filled with speed and light and the delicious tang of fear.”
unbound. i had almost forgotten.
but i can see it, the seeds of it, in Oscar’s freewheeling curiosity, his blithe exuberance. i want to pin my own fearful hands to my sides when they reach out to hold him back, stifle my voice in my throat as it calls out “danger! danger!” achtung, baby, indeed. my hands will catch. my voice will comfort. but i do not want them to take from him the wonder of the world. i want him to feel unbound, for as long as he can…and unbound by my fears for him, most of all.
for reminding me, i want to award Bad a most grateful
for May. Bad is good. and has a heart that soars, and the courage to let her daughter have one too. you heard it here.
to check out the other Perfect Posts for this past month, visit Petroville and Suburban Turmoil and see who else is out there making us remember what we’re doing and what a darn good time we’re having in the process. ![]()













June 1st, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I often worry about holding Porgie back. I want her childhood to be filled with adventure, yet at the same time I feel an overwhelming urge to shelter her from the world. I think letting your child be “unbounded” is much easier said than done.
June 1st, 2007 at 2:47 pm
yes. hbm’s post was beautiful. thanks, bon, for acknowledging it.
June 1st, 2007 at 5:48 pm
I often reconsider taking Oliver out in public because of the amount of bruises on his body. His legs are covered with so many bruises and scabs and scratches that it’s futile to even try to count them; his forehead is dotted with yellowing bruises and one goose egg that’s slowly receding and his fingernails have dirt underneath them that I can’t get out no matter how I try.
HBM’s post makes so much sense to me.
June 1st, 2007 at 7:35 pm
That was an excellent post. Great choice!
June 1st, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Lovely, lovely post.
The Baby is the first non-cautious one of my three kids and I spend my time this fresh combination of horrified and wildly amused. Like when she flung herself down the tall twisty slide at the playground today before balancing herself and tumbled all the way down…
June 1st, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Bossy was born before the invention of movie cameras or light. At least that’s how it feels.
June 1st, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Bad speaks sometimes as if for all of us, unintentionally so, i know, but it feels that way - her love is that gigantic.
June 3rd, 2007 at 12:44 am
I feel great admiration for Zane’s “unbounded-ness” - it such a good reminder for me that life can be lived without lots of fear. A lesson I need to be reminded of very often, I’m afraid.
(Oh geez, now I’ve ironically said that I’m afraid that I need to learn a lesson about not living in fear. Will the neuroses never stop over here?)
June 3rd, 2007 at 1:44 am
Lovely post to award a lovely post.
And that damn BlogRhet meme is up. I’m afraid it’s boring as all hell - it’s more facts than insight - but you asked for it.
June 3rd, 2007 at 8:24 am
“Unbound” is a perfect term to describe the letting go that we must do along this parenting path we take.
So far, it doesn’t get any easier. And I ache for the days that were filled with first steps and bruised foreheads . . .
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Particularly resonant, since I am, to the core of me, a hoverer. Always ready, always nearby, always poised to jump out and catch, always shadowing my children. Always aware of the numerous places ready and waiting to scar my children.
I am the mother who climbs the playground equipment with my children, not to enjoy the heights along with them, but to protect them.
Someone, stop me.
Lovely choice, bon.
June 3rd, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Yes, very good choice this month, it’s hard to let go and let them do it, feel it, but it’s so amazing to see them as they go full throttle with all that joy and newness.
June 5th, 2007 at 1:06 am
You should take the VHS tape to a media type store (usually nice photography stores) and have it put on a DVD, so that you don’t loose those memories!!!
June 5th, 2007 at 7:56 am
Lovely posts, both yours and HBM’s. I was so bold once, climbing trees and flipping upside down. I’m more cautious now, but don’t want to let that hold up toddler curiously too much!
June 6th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Fabulous post. And so very, very true!