Sat 23 Jun 2007
and then there were three
Posted by bon under mama-baby stuff, milestone stuff
[27] Comments
so, um, there are three people living in our house. did you know? ’cause we really weren’t entirely prepared.
but lately it’s been pretty clear that we’ve not only got a baby, we’ve got a whole new roommate living here. (plus Clementine, of course. our cat. she’s good people, even if she does shed.)
the fact that we are trinity shouldn’t be a particularly shocking revelation, seeing as Oscar’s been resident in our home for fourteen months or so, now. but bringing home the baby was rather like getting a new kitten, or something…the world’s loudest kitten, yes, and most heart-expanding, and the slowest ever to learn to use the litterbox, but not entirely like adding a whole other complex, interactive human personality to the mix. (Clementine just shot me the haughtiest “i’m so complex you can’t even fathom me, bald-skin” glare for that line, and i suspect some ankle shredding is on the menu later pour moi, but…you know what i mean). for the first year or so, O’s needs and demands and contributions to the family have all been of the relatively tangible, clear-cut sort: he’s watered? fed? loved? stroked? soothed? cleaned? played with? exercised? all good. the colic? horrendous, and stuffed to the very corners of my memory so as to prevent me from trying a home-tube-tying, but still not personal.
apparently that handy checklist of babycare ain’t gonna cut it forever, though. because every day now, there is more and more personality in O’s blue eyes, more thought process and comprehension written across his face, more pique and will and give and take and laughter and gamesmanship and vocalization, every shrill screech and trilling “ba ba ba” saying “dudes, i’m here. it’s me. hey world!” a barbaric yawp, sounded from the rooftops and the crib. after all these months of it being us and baby, O a beloved appendage, Dave & i tired versions of our familiar twosome, we are now morphing into man, woman, and child…a true threesome. Oscar is blooming with the spring flowers, becoming himself.
he has a sense of humour, this boy, and an insatiable hunger for more of whatever is pleasing him in a given moment. he is fierce – which fact causes his father to puff up with pride – yet observant, curious about what’s around corners. he’s always going further, faster, but is sensitive to change, too: new environments quiet the maelstrom of motion, and he becomes still, alert, like a faun. he’s tactile, preferring to touch than merely watch, and both rough and tender by turns. his delight is a whole body experience, his sadness – as yet – fleeting. he loooves shoes (that comes from my side of the gene pool) and carries them from room to room, waving them about gleefully. he is marvellous to watch.
i loved him, fearfully and hopefully, long before he was born. but now…there’s more. i like him, too.
phewww.
sometimes it amazes me, this contract that parents enter into, blind. imagine an ad in the paper that said “hey! welcome a roommate into your home! time commitment – somewhere between 18 and 75 years. labour required – just the start! and lots of poop and vomit, too! expenses – more than a yacht. heartache – guaranteed, in some form or other. thanks – random. and the personality of said roommate – completely unknown, folks (see fine print for Lizzie Borden clause). sign up today!”
i know that whomever O turns out to be will be dramatically shaped by Dave & i (and Clementine, too, his prey and companion) and by all the unknowns that life has in store for him. but i am also pretty sure that – barring catastrophic damage – a significant part of who he will become, personality-wise, is already evident, shining through those ever-wiser not-quite-baby eyes. i suppose i probably would have been just as charmed by a completely different Oscar, had my sweet baby blossomed into an entirely other sort of personality. but this one? i’m sure. i can live with this new roommate, this kid who’s come to stay with us, this kid who makes our family so much richer.
i think the cat may have been hoping otherwise…but we’re keeping him, Clementine. deal.





June 23rd, 2007 at 3:56 pm
oh, yes.
it’s such a change, when they start to assert. and, for me, such a welcome change, because no longer did i have to guess what was required at any given moment (sleep? food? snuggling? nursing? change of diaper? change of scenery?). it was as if the baby’s foreign language was suddenly as understandable to me as my own language.
and i’d have to agree, bon — the personality is there from the start. you and dave may tweak it some, but man: it’s all o’s personality, really.
(that takes a little parentguilt away, because it’s not all on us, y’know?)
i’d so enjoy seeing oscar the faun studying a new environment. and the love you have for him comes shining through in your evocative description of him.
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:02 pm
I love how you describe the relief of discovering that you like your O as well as loving him. The love/like feeling for my children waxes and wanes: I always love them, but sometimes don’t like them much. I’m always relieved when that feeling passes.
June 23rd, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Lovely post! “Barbaric yawp” is the perfect wasy to describe it. I think WW would approve.
June 23rd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Spot on. (And these roommates? they want to leave their toys and stuff all over the house!)
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:30 pm
i loved the part about liking the baby to a roommate. a rather bad mannered one, too! sometimes i feel an eviction notice is duew for my rowdy house mates!
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Oscar sounds like he is growing up to be a fun little boy. Its amazing how quickly our babies change, and how surprised we are by their transformation. I am excited to hear more about your new little room mate.
June 24th, 2007 at 1:47 am
Ah, yes, I remember it well (she says, like the wizened, old mother of one 2.5 year old). That’s exactly the way I felt around this age. And it’s so lovely to see O in your description of him.
I remember someone telling me, just about a year ago, that very same thing: that barring some kind of great trauma, kids’ personalities were largely formed at by 18 months and I remember thinking, “Oh good, because I like her. I mean, I really like her.” And then, of course, I went on to worry about what great catastrophe might befall her to change all that.
Sigh.
June 24th, 2007 at 2:17 am
It’s shocking every single time, for the record, this sudden switch from baby to actual person living in one’s house. I never stop feeling slightly startled when it happens.
June 24th, 2007 at 3:23 am
gorgeous. you wax through an emotion i also share and spin magic.
M is entering a new stage…the one where i can’t count on her to keep my secrets..not the ones i ask her to, because i don’t do that, but the ones i get away with. like, not answering the phone…i don’t answer it and mention to J, dude, am not here – i am taking a break…so then M answers the phone unassisted and announces “mommy is here. she’s on a break” rock on.
damn it.
June 24th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
see fine print for Lizzie Borden clause
I shouldn’t find this so amusing. Nonetheless, I do.
June 25th, 2007 at 12:28 am
You capture this so well! It’s amazing when they start being less blobby and become actual people, walking and trying to talk and just being really nice to be around!
June 25th, 2007 at 1:23 am
It used to be that when I had roommates I just had to worry about not getting any sleep due to our excessive partying and the bed spins. Now? Sheesh. Whole different ball game.
I feel I should mention that I love the way you string words and phrases together. Written candy, if you ask me. Without the sugar crash.
June 25th, 2007 at 2:52 am
We already see snatches of Ant’s personality, I can’t wait to watch it develop even more. It sounds like so much fun!
June 25th, 2007 at 4:42 am
That change or realization is such a shock! I remember those days. You capture it all so well.
June 25th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
love it, especially the “roommate wanted ad.” That’s brilliant.
June 25th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Oh how I loved that age! Enjoy!
June 25th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
yep, my third just became the 5th room-mate in our house, whereas just two weeks ago he was the baby creature who sat on my lap and clapped in the highchair. Now he roams free like the other two, hoards his favorites (really likes bottles of dried spices to carry around the house) and is generally delighting his parents, and alternating delighting his brothers and foiling their plans for the best railroad track ever to date. It’s pretty glorious, you say it well.
June 25th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
You had me at bald-skin, and then again at home tube tying. When you figure out how to do that, please let me know. I’m all for DIY.
June 26th, 2007 at 1:41 am
If anyone knew what housing an infant human entailed we’d be a sparse race.
June 26th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
They are pretty awesome, aren’t they? I am still often startled by Monkey. Maybe that’s the thing about our first sons– we love them, but we never got to find out how much we would have liked them. They were all promise, those boys.
Lovely post.
I giggled at Lizzy and home tube tying too.
And, Bon, the last couple of comments you left at my blog had me LOL for real. You crack me up.
June 26th, 2007 at 6:11 pm
That age is so great. Gaining command of themselves & the world around them. S has always been observant & soaked up every particle of information, which he now uses to create havock & mischief. I miss the just learning to explore, and wish heartily for his devious mind to start using his powers for good. Enjoy this time bon!
June 26th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
I love it when they’re in that in-between age where they’re part baby and part “little person”. Love it!
June 27th, 2007 at 12:57 am
Awesome! It is amazing, isn’t it? Widget went to PRESCHOOL for the first time today, and it hit me — he now has stories of his own. Without me in a starring or supporting role. Ack!
June 27th, 2007 at 1:25 am
It’s all true! We’re finding that over here too: we are surprised that we just can’t tote her wherever and whenever we like. That she has preferences for certain kinds of music and food. That some things are funny and some not.
And the shoes: she gets her shoe fetish from me. That’s obviously an x-linked trait.
June 27th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
LMAO at the “newspaper ad”! How true.
Bon, I love reading your writing!
June 29th, 2007 at 6:08 am
Incisive observations. I think you are ahead of the curve. We didn’t really get out of our couple with a baby stage until we had two. Mind you when our girl was O.’s age I was pregnant so maybe we were a bit distrated.
Expansion
July 2nd, 2007 at 8:49 pm
LOL! Love that contract – “time commitment between 18-75 years.” Indeed!