Comments on: musings on the tenth anniversary of my wedding

By: Oh, The Joys

Oh, The Joys — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 02:21:51 +0000

I would say that I am easy to meet, but not to get to know.

I feel at ease with some women right away and not others. When I don’t feel that sense of ease I am more guarded. I don’t know what it is…

By: cath

cath — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 18:22:06 +0000

bonnie… i LOVED this post… this is something that i’ve often struggled with. the fact that women aren’t more supportive of each other… you have me thinkin thinkin… perhaps i will write about this also… hmmm…

By: Beruriah

Beruriah — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 18:21:15 +0000

Great post. I’m sad to come to it so late. I’m totally with you. I’ve always been fine with boys and men, but my closest friends have always been girls. I’ve never really perceived the cattiness and cliquishness of which others speak, and strangely enough, my husband and I were talking about just this sort of thing a few evenings ago. He gave me the funniest compliment (?) ever. I was saying how from what I understand, other people in my high school, college, and now grad school always seem to think there’s a “cool” crowd, and I just can’t distinguish like that. I mean, I only notice when someone doesn’t have any friends, but to pick on anyone person? And how is it often the same person? Totally beyond my understanding. Anyway, my husband said he thinks I’m a lot like his brother – both of us are missing some trait of social development that makes you understand social distinctions. Like we just never figured out the classificatory rules. We like everyone.

By: Tinkerbell's Mama

Tinkerbell's Mama — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 02:47:54 +0000

I was always better friends with boys; I just never seemed to fit with girls and who’s friends with whom and I’m not your friend any more. Boys were also far less likely to betray you for, well, boys.

The hard part now is that I’m married, and so are most of the men I meet. I have fantastic old boy friends (not boyfriends) from years ago, but, it’s hard to meet new great man friends. When we meet couples I’m expected to hang with the wife and it’s hard to get around the jealousy thing (and I swear, I am not trolling or even flirtatious or, really, in the least bit trying to be attractive).

By: nomotherearth

nomotherearth — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 20:15:35 +0000

I have always preferred women as friends. Yes, some women can be catty and cliquish, it’s true. I choose not to be friends with those women. Maybe that’s why there are so few people I consider “friends” as opposed to “acquaintances”.

I do, however, find friendship with men quite refreshing sometimes. I don’t really have male friends, though – I don’t think I come off as a “guy’s girl” all that much. My husband, though, is the best friend I have ever had.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 19:43:20 +0000

I don’t even have one male friend. My closest friend is my sister, and all my other close, dear friends are women. I have always been in very female environments – at home, at school, and at work. At school I got on with boys, but I never developed friendships with them – they didn’t provide the companionship and understanding that girls did. I think part of that is my mother always made it very clear that girls didn’t have boys as friends; boys were for love and girls for friendship. So, I was always frightened, and still am, of initiating friendships with the opposite sex for fear of that being mistaken for physical attraction.

I don’t honestly believe that I’m missing out though. My female friends are enough for me.

By: e

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 19:07:30 +0000

This is also the tenth anniversary of us being friends, seeing as we met sometime in the wee hours of that wedding on that great cliff-side lawn. Happy anniversary to us! So I’m also happy you got married, and that we met then. And I’m even happier at how life has turned, and turned out for all in attendance. Hugs to your family from ours over here.

By: Bon777

Bon777 — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 18:05:09 +0000

This December will be 10 years of marriage for me. I am very blessed to still be married to the same great guy. I do believe that if it wasn’t for my great female relationships I probably would have bailed out of my marriage very early on because I was very immature and trying to prove the world that I wasn’t. Fortunately the hubby and I grew together in love and maturity. But thank God for my sisters/girlfriends.

By: christine

christine — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 02:40:22 +0000

this is hard, because once upon a time i was one of those girls who had boys and girls as friends. i straddled that weird fence and made it through. but as the years went on i realized that those male friends were gone or were friends because they were partners with the women in my life. why? no real answer i guess. . .

i have lots of good woman friends now, but as soon as the cattiness or fighting comes on i freak out. it is hard because as a peace maker-type people come to me to solve problems or hear their stories. this has put me in the middle of some weird ass fights between woman. i would like to say the cattiness and cliques are caricatures, stereotypes, but i just don’t know. i do know that when i see it i cringe.

By: Little Monkies

Little Monkies — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 02:30:00 +0000

Having had the incredible relationships with women makes being in relationships with most men hard. Not enough -stuff- there, for better or for worse. But I will say that I freak about the shittiness of women, and that is a direct result of loads of bullying I endured as a young woman (loads…lots of additional therapy to do before my own kidlins hit 8…).

But I love women. On Dave Eggers scale of queerness I am a 4 out of 10…1 being perfectly straight and 10 being perfectly queer. I love women and I really love women when they can be the gorgeous supportive beings that cradle the world. I shiver at them when they are horrid.

I suspect we’d be friends. :)