Fri 23 Nov 2007
it seems only fitting to finish this on a Friday, but i do not have the heart for haiku.
there is no good news, my friends. the sac is still too small, and shows little growth over the past eight days. there is no fetal pole, no heartbeat…which given that the positive pregnancy test came nearly five weeks ago, is conclusive.
there will be no June baby.
after work tonight, after dinner and cake, i will take a bunch of pills that sit on my sideboard taped to a sticky note, and see if i can’t avoid surgery. because my history labels me as having an incompetent cervix – which is completed unrelated to the current state of affairs but particularly unfortunate given the fact that missed miscarriages have the lowest likelihood of passing effectively on their own – a d&c is to be avoided if possible.
if possible feels like just another shoe, waiting to drop.
it is Dave’s birthday. i bought him Blood on the Tracks, prescient enough…but don’t quite know how to wrap this particular bitter gift, this ending.
thank you, to all of you, who’ve waited with us and sent love through the tiny eternity of this past week. i know there is never anything to say. and yet, so you know, it is heartening to hear your voices, nonetheless.