Sat 1 Dec 2007
advent
Posted by bon under coping stuff, mama-baby stuff
[36] Comments

right on cue, straight from December’s central casting, we had snow today, making the leftover pumpkin in my back porch look suddenly very out of place indeed. winter has begun.
it is the beginning of the dark season, of the advent creep through the darkness – through the wonderful, bare-bones nadir of solstice – back to light. it is a season of hibernation and turning inward…and, old carry over from a semi-religious childhood, of counting the December days off, one by one, enduring the wait ’til Christmas, ’til all the candles can be lit again.
lying awake in bed last night, unable to sleep for hormonal nosedive of sudden post-pregnancy, i smiled, wryly. i realized that – for once – i’ve got impeccable timing. the symbolism of the Christian advent – the hope of a child, a second coming – does not escape me. because this coming month will be cold-molasses slow…i can see that already, one day in. i am all aflurry, urgent, heart unwilling to accept the do not pass Go – return to start card crumpled in my hand. when i sleep i dream of babies floating by, slipping from my grasp. i waken, stricken, compelled. i fantasize about twins, like a crazy woman. waiting this month out, aching to start again, to leap back on the hamster wheel of hope, will be almost as agonizing as waiting for Christmas that year i was six and had my whole heart set on the magical wonderland of the Weeble Haunted House. almost.
and i know this is normal. i am resigned to a little crazy with my fruitcake over the next few weeks, in the eternity of waiting for things to settle, for a cycle to establish itself, for my body to do what it needs to in order to heal. and i hope in the process there will be some letting go, some lessening of the urgency. but in the meantime i will count out the days of December, like a child with an advent calendar of chocolate, walking out the long wait with good company and the comfort of treats.
because treats, in our house, are a big deal…as you can see.
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January 5th, 2008 at 1:40 am[...] always eloquent Bon sees connections between Advent and life after her recent miscarriage. I hesitate to link to this, because it is so personal, but I am linking anyway because all of [...]




December 2nd, 2007 at 2:15 am
That snow picture is wonderful. I know you can see the beauty in his happiness. It is so good that you are sitting outside yourself and know your sadness and grief are normal. I’ll bet it doesn’t make it any easier, but it lets those who care about you know you will be alright, even if you are not now.
December 2nd, 2007 at 2:20 am
Best picture ever of O.! Beautiful!
I wish I were there, so that I could try to make you laugh, distract you a little. I really do.
Hugs.
December 2nd, 2007 at 2:32 am
and then comes the New Year and our slow but constant march towards the increasing light and warmth that is spring.
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:03 am
That picture of Oscar is BEAUTIFUL.
And there is something about the slow march towards Christmas that always kindles a little something in my heart. I hope that it does the same for you.
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:21 am
Oh for the love of little fingers…if that were my cat he’d be nipped for sure!
XOX
December 2nd, 2007 at 4:12 am
Oscar is delicious. Like a cherry sno-cone.
As for the rest, warm thoughts for a quick solstice and a return to the light. December kicks my ass every year so I feel for you in this.
December 2nd, 2007 at 4:40 am
The pictures are gorgeous. The boy, he is just all light.
This is a tough time of the year for waiting things out. Especially while the whole world seems to be getting their wishes in nice gift-wrapped packages.
I am thinking of you, my friend.
December 2nd, 2007 at 5:01 am
your baby makes me so happy
December 2nd, 2007 at 7:25 am
I do hope that you will be able to share Oscar’s joy in Christmas. The new year will bring with it a new start.
December 2nd, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Ooh, gorgeous pictures!! I always have a bit of crazy with my fruitcake in good years, so good luck. I hope this dark season is a short one.
December 2nd, 2007 at 4:05 pm
It is planting time, here. Really, it is. Planting time. So we planted a memorial garden. Every day I water it, full of traditional plants for remembrance as it is, and spend a few minutes remembering.
I don’t know that I can explain it, but it makes me feel good. I think it is because my heart knows my thoughts have a place to go, a time in the day. And so they aren’t banging at me all day every day.
That’s why I think you are so right to let in the crazy a little. And I think you will get your desired results because you have made space for it, and the process.
That first photo, of O in the snow with the red snowsuit?
That’s too marvelous. That needs to be at least an 8×10 spray mounted and framed. I have a coupon code for you if you want it.
(HUGS)
Julie
Using My Words
December 2nd, 2007 at 4:09 pm
This post: poignant, real, heartbreaking.
But those pictures: Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
December 2nd, 2007 at 6:08 pm
Look at that smile he has, and dall those piles of white, fluffy snow! This was beautiful–and inspiring and hope-filled as well.
December 2nd, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I wish you more peaceful dreams, as you count off the days of December, taking comfort in the treats and the boy in the delicious red snowsuit.
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Oh, that face!! I am going to take that image of O with me into this Advent. I needed his glorious light today. Thank you!
December 2nd, 2007 at 10:12 pm
He is a glorious little man, isn’t he?
I hope this month slips by you quickly and soon you will set out into the warmth of of the sun again.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:29 am
Those pictures are fantastic! He’s such a handsome guy!
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:39 pm
I missed yesterday’s post so just let me say again that I am awed by your bravery in sharing all of this with us.
Your photo of Oscar put a smile on my face as I was trying frantically to book a snow tire appointment. We’re supposed to be getting some “real” snow this week so naturally all of us lazy people are suddenly getting tires, and shovels, and traction sand. The picture is helping me remember that snow with a toddler is a wholly different thing.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:13 pm
That is a fabulous picture of O. And the kitty too.
How appropriate that your slow wait is in December. This was a beautiful post about such a painful topic.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Bon, I am just catching up after being unable to read for over a week… I am so sorry for your loss and your pain, which you’ve so beautifully shared. You’re right — the Advent analogy is perfect: lighting a new candle each week to see us through the darkest month of the year.
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:40 pm
I know I see the world with irony-tinted glasses, but there’s something very wrong with the fact that the snow is so white and the season is so dark.
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Bon. I can only imagine. But you have a way that makes it easier to do so…and, hopefully, that means something.
O made my heart leap.
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Beautiful. Just beautiful, Bon.
Niobe-I think the white of the snow is grace…to remind us of the light while we sit in the dark and wait.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:44 pm
I’ve not posted a comment here before but your words in the last two posts have been so beautiful, so inspiring, that I have to step out of the shadows and add my stranger’s voice to the chorus.
I’m so sorry for your loss(es) and I wish you some peace in the darkness this december. Your boy is a light.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:29 pm
How fun! We didn’t get much snow this past weekend, only ice, which doesn’t do much for playing.
I’m excited to play in the snow, although quite hesitant to have to drive in it.
December 4th, 2007 at 12:58 am
what a beautiful picture of O. such happiness in his face. and the kitty’s face too…
i understand about the hamster wheel of hope, i’m on it right now and i’m getting very, very tired.
December 4th, 2007 at 3:14 am
I’m glad you have this space to work out your thoughts. I can’t imagine how difficult this has been for you but I do know how important it is to have an outlet for all those feelings.
And that picture? Truly gorgeous.
December 4th, 2007 at 3:31 am
Bon- I’m so sorry that this month is turning into a slow wait for you.
December 4th, 2007 at 3:32 am
Bon, I love that you are still hopeful and eager. It’s inspiring and it’s a noble state of mind to be in after all you’ve been through.
The eternity you speak of will eventually pass, as time always inevitably does, just don’t get so caught up in the future that you forget to live your “present” life – one that’s full of the blessings you so eloquently describe to us in your thought-provoking posts and heart-warming photos.
Here’s to a speedy Winter!
December 4th, 2007 at 5:36 am
oh, if only our kitties would get that close to our pnut- she loves them so much from afar, but freaks them out- even when i let her bribe them with treats. her exuberance is too much for their old cat sensibilities.
***
praying that the light that comes at the end of advent fills you with peace and hope now, and through these four weeks as we walk with you through the darkness. take care, bon.
December 4th, 2007 at 5:36 am
The pictures are lovely. My thoughts are with you this month as you will time to speed up.
December 4th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
In your case winter is just the right time for fresh starts, what with it being so chilly out, and with power outages and all, and with it being most heat-efficient to pile mommy and daddy bodies together under mountains of fluff and quilts… Ahem.
Oh, and bring your crazies here. Let it out to rattle around with us, like bringing O to the playground when he’s bouncing off the walls and you want him to sleep better that night. Same thing, don’t you think?
December 5th, 2007 at 2:19 am
Seriously, the cuteness is killing me. Killing me!
Ah, you and December are indeed well suited to each other’s company this year, aren’t you?
December 5th, 2007 at 2:28 am
that kitty photo is awesome.
i hope your season of advent is filled with good company and the comfort of treats. lovely companions for waiting, indeed
January 6th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Came over on a link from Beck’s blog…
My sister also miscarried over Advent this year, her fourth time, and each time but one was over Advent. Incredibly strange…
Now she is waiting for a message from her Adoption Agency that they have a daughter for her to come and get… but we all still continue to hope.
Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
Jen