Fri 29 Feb 2008
leap
Posted by bon under milestone stuff
[77] Comments
and there i was again in that same goddam room for the third time, that room with its stark, giant clock, that room that has only ever hosted endings for me, or the beginnings of endings, bright with blood. and first the machine crapped out the moment she pulled the sensor towards me, and we waited, making awkward idle chitchat, while it rebooted and i pretended to be composed. there was a nurse there, and a nursing student, though both of them seemed out of place since i’d thought this was a clandestine affair, this visit, date almost, this secret promised viewing in the closed and hallowed halls of Labour & Delivery. ’til yesterday, i had not seen my OBGYN since the week before my D&C last November. no visits to check the drop of hcg levels or confirm the thoroughness of surgery. the followup appointment – delayed due to the holidays – was cancelled in January thanks to a storm. the replacement appointment after the storm got hijacked because my doctor herself was sick. by the time i finally saw her yesterday, it was for another maternity visit…i am nine weeks today. theatre of the absurd. and such a terrifying leap of faith, this try, this shot. so i figured this trip to L&D was a favour, a kindness slipped into her busy delivery schedule because she knows me and my history all too well, even though ultrasounds in our part of the world are hoarded and doled out like prized crumbs and better say thanks.
she laded me with blue jelly. the chitchat stumbled to a halt. i looked at the screen and saw only fuzz, and looked away. i stared at the clock, instead, that trusty abominably ugly clock that has witnessed too many minutes of me lying in that bed, fearful and waiting. she tried. she twisted, cocked her head. i looked her in the eye and realized hers are almost the exact colour of my own. and she met my gaze and said, “you know what i’m going to say. i’m not seeing what i’d like to be seeing here. but that could just, umm, be me.”
it is an in joke, of sorts. three years ago, this same kind, frank, capable doctor “snuck” me into L&D for one of these sly side ultrasounds because i’d seen her twice for what appeared to be an unfortunate, mortifying bladder issue, and she wanted to make sure instead that i was not leaking fluid. that sunny April morning, she pronounced all well with the fluid surrounding my 23-week baby, and after a little begging on my part told me she was 90% certain we were having a girl. six days later, i found myself in the room with the clock, blood and fluid all down my legs, waiting for an airlift. Finn, our son, died ultimately of the lung complications suffered because i had, indeed, been leaking fluid for a month unchecked before the sac gave way entirely. she knows this, my doctor. i know that had she caught it, there was still nothing she could have done. so we live with this between us, this sad, wry truth that she may not excel at ultrasounds and yet is the only one who has ever gone out of her way to try to give me peace of mind with them. and i trust her because she is honest, and human.
but when she said, “it could just be me,” i could not hear her, not really, because my heart had already sunk into that stark, certain, brutal helplessness of having one’s fear realized, yet again. she left the room to call down to the radiology lab to see if they could see me. the part of me that weighs and measures and never took my eyes off that bleak, institutional clock face registered what a gift it was to have these strings pulled, to actually get in for a vaginal ultrasound ASAP. most of me, though, was scrambling to hide. my brain tore through sad little shreds of narrative and metaphor wherein i tried to tell myself i could do this again and come out whole on the other side. i refused to believe myself. i would have thought that the prospect of loss, like so many things, gets easier with practice…instead, for me it becomes more intolerable, more surreal.
the nurse insisted that the student nurse walk with me down to radiology. poor little soul, all of twenty-one and chipper. they let her come in with me to the tech’s lair, when they would not let even Dave come in November, not even when we were almost sure that the news was going to be bad. she had the good sense to sit in a corner and not try to hold my hand.
belly ultrasound and the tech said nothing except that my uterus seemed tilted back and sucked her teeth and asked if i’d mind the transvaginal and i nearly leapt off the table trying to get my damn pants off, because what the hell is dignity for if you can’t shove it aside now and then for things more important? then the probe, and she sucked her teeth again and turned the screen and there it was, hiding in the back, way away in that pelvis that seems to be spreading daily, a little round head and wiggling limbs and a heartbeat, 170 bpm. and i said, sweet fucking merciful Jesus and my legs began to shake like a small dog’s and then i would have let that little student nurse hold my hand, i would have, but she was trying very hard to politely not notice me spread-eaged on the table and was instead smiling intently at the screen.
never once in my reproductive history before today have i had a doctor say, “uh oh” and had anything but the very worst case scenario turn out.
i said to Dave that maybe my luck in this department is like Brigadoon. it hides in the mists, and i needed a leap year – a moment out of the ordinary ordained calendar – to bring it out.
so badly i hope that it holds.




March 1st, 2008 at 3:12 am
oh my. there is something very odd about LOLing about my own life… :-) but she is a package deal… and really as entertaining in life as in print. and i love her dearly. as well as little Heloise. yes. a girl. and her name will be Heloise.
March 1st, 2008 at 3:14 am
Hugh. his name will be Hugh, dear.
get out of my internets.
March 1st, 2008 at 3:51 am
BON!!!! I am so happy for you. You had me afraid there for a minute. That is such incredible news. I wish I could hug you. Apparently there is something in the water or in the blogosphere because it seems like everyone is pregnant. Congratulations. You made my night.
March 1st, 2008 at 4:02 am
Yay! Just yay!
And I suspected. Almost asked, actually, but kept myself in check.
So happy for you, and so sorry there was this scary and dreadful uncertainty. May this indeed be the good kind of “just her.” In good time.
March 1st, 2008 at 4:37 am
Oh Bon, I just so wish I had words for you, I am just here, crying and smiling and just here.
Oh, Bon.
March 1st, 2008 at 4:40 am
Sweet lord. With all the bad news I have read, and the February chill lingering in my bones, you had me reading this and expecting the worst kind of ending.
I love that I was wrong.
All the best to you and yours.
March 1st, 2008 at 4:46 am
So glad. And so hopeful.
March 1st, 2008 at 4:57 am
Yay! Yay! Yay! Hoping with all my might…
March 1st, 2008 at 4:59 am
Crying for you – first from fear, and then from happiness as I reached the end of your post. We’re sending lots of good vibes.
March 1st, 2008 at 5:48 am
So happy, so hopeful. So so everything for you xx
March 1st, 2008 at 11:04 am
It is 7 AM and my eyes are like two pissholes in the snow and the kids are juggling razorblades in the other room in front of the backyardigans or some other such brainrotting babysitter, all so that I can absorb this fantastic news… and it’s all worth it.
xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo!!!!!
March 1st, 2008 at 11:32 am
God. Talk about a white knuckle post. With a most satisfying twist ending!!
I hope there are no more scary parts.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:40 am
I, too, was very pleased that there was good news at the end of that post. My heart was sinking up to that point.
May the news continue to be good.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:08 pm
Stop making me cry in the morning! I’m so pleased for you!
This means you need to come visit now-at least so you can pick out some colors for the blankie. I can’t want to see your glorious round belly at Maritime Blogher..
oh I’m just so happy for you I could plotz…. :) :) :)
March 1st, 2008 at 12:09 pm
and those vaginal ultrasounds are just the weirdest thing aren’t they…
March 1st, 2008 at 12:25 pm
ACK!
The best news! The most wonderful news!
(contented sigh)
March 1st, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Bon! Hurrah! I’m crying… and I thought you must be pregnant… you’ve been quieter than usual. Oh that little flickering heartbeat! Congratulations!
March 1st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Hugh! Oooh, I love that name.
So happy for you, dear.
March 1st, 2008 at 1:44 pm
“sweet fucking merciful Jesus” Until then I couldn’t breath. Then I was laughing with tears in my eyes. HOORAY. HOORAY is all to say.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:32 pm
I am praying, with my forehead down to the ground, to all that is merciful and good in this world…
wishing you and Dave all the best. Such lovely news!!!!!
March 1st, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I couldn’t help it. I’m weak. I skipped to the end. (but then I went back and read the whole thing- in order)
Here’s to leap years and transvaginal ultrasounds and determined radiologist technicians and most of all to your (growing as I type this) family. Hurrah!
March 1st, 2008 at 4:26 pm
i think i sprouted one more grey hair reading this post but at the end it danced up high and became a beautiful sigh … so happy for all of you :) congratulations!! xo
March 1st, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Hugh or Heloise…either would be perfect. :)
Best wishes!
March 1st, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I wondered when you were here – hoped to hear the words out loud and am sooooo happy to read them. Happy Leap Year!!! I’l be in the east next month, and will bring yummy English treats and M&S pants. Hold tight, brave girl. Love and hugs to all from both of us.
March 1st, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Oh, this is WONDERFUL news!
March 1st, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Oh Bon! I am so happy for you. I hope the luck of this leap year continues to buoy you along.
(ps: you and dave are cute.)
March 1st, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I’m beside myself – such good news & I hope all the drama of this pregnancy will live only on the leap year day – and that all the other days will leave you in peace.
March 1st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Through my tears I offer congratulations! Wonderful.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:17 pm
quietly whispering the most fervor-ful prayers through my tears for you- have been shamed to come here since you lost your last little one and mine has continued to grow. i’ve never been able to reconcile the injustice of loss and gain.
so hopeful and joyful and optimistic for you! wishing you nothing but the most boring of gestational 30 weeks ahead- sincerely and truly thrilled for you! be well! beat steadily and grow and thrive, little H or H!!
March 1st, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Sending you an Elmo, wrapped in pink and blue.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Enormous intake of air…holding, holding, holding…;)
March 1st, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Leap Year is coming up roses this time, I know it. So happy for you!
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:10 am
And I will pray to my own version of the sweet and merciful mary that this holds.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:06 am
hearing a doctor say uh-oh will make anyone’s heart stop!
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:11 am
WOW! The universe quietly, patiently and unrelentlessly conspiring to bring what is meant to be yours, to you, when the time is right. This is fantastic news dear Bon. It takes enormous courage to share it with us once again after what you have been through…thanks for deeming us worthy. This corner of the internet is twinkling with a palpable hope and promise which, with each passing second, are taking the form of your little Hugh or Heloise. Here’s to smooth sailing all the way…and clocks that mark joyous occasions.
Hey and what is it with you and Ms. Jolie always sharing the same gestation periods anyway?! Is the due date the same again this time round?!
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:31 am
Such Wonderful Wonderful news.
I was on the edge of my seat – not sure if I would be crying by the end.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:41 am
My god — my heart was in my throat the whole time. Now sighing happily and smiling widely for you all!
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:26 am
You’re beautiful, you know that, right? You are beautiful and our children will, when we are rocking somewhere, produce beautiful grandchildren for us that we will cackle with delight at as we fold them in our arms.
Kinda drunk. Thanks.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:11 am
I hope so too Bon! Take care!!
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:41 am
I have goosebumps right now! What a tale you tell. I am so glad that this time, this time you got to have the happy moment after the uh-oh. And I hope and pray (and I’m not much the praying type) that everything continues to go well.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
oh babe.
yes. goddamnit. yes.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:50 pm
What a terrrifying post. The whole way through I was thinking, “No, I can’t believe this,” and when I got to the part where they found the heartbeat I think my legs were probably shaking almost as much as yours.
I’m so glad for your Brigadoon moment.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Like a few others have said, I was wondering why we hadn’t been hearing from you all that much lately. I’m so glad to find out the reason.
And you’re very, very good at that keep-them-on-the-edge-of-their-seat effect.
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Oh (((bon))) oh, I hope I hope — I am so happy for you and keeping my fingers crossed and my heart filled with joy for you…
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Holy h*ll. What a day…. and I’m so relieved and delighted that the ending was a good one.
May it continue on to an even better ending seven and a half months from now.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:21 pm
A perfectly enunciated, “Holy shit!”
Does it ruin it that I am having visions of you birthing an irresistible mini-Hugh Laurie?
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Oh, Bon!
What a story to tell.
I hope for you too. With aaaaaall of my heart.
xo
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Congratulations, bon. I have everything crossed for you.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 am
Bon: I read this post forgetting to breathe. And here I sit, now, shaking in happiness for you, panting at my screen. You so deserve this, Internet friend. This sounds just so good, the way you described the photo all wiggly and 170 bpm. Once you see that, Bon, the chance is just so, so great that all will, indeed, work out. I know you lost your little guy just too, too soon. But your son, the one sleeping in your home right now, he did get to you and came from within you, and I pray that this one will, too. Your body can, and has, done this. My best of thoughts to you – what a post – what a story – XO
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:33 am
Like others who’ve already have left a comment, I held my breath reading this. We’ll be trying again soon and I can imagine the dread the ultrasounds will bring.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:36 am
The warmest and most heartfelt of congratulations! I am keeping everything crossed for you!
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:11 am
Oh my lord!!!!!
Bon Bon Bon Bon, I’m just so happy and amazed and shocked and floored and it’s wild and wonderful. Congrats my friend!
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:24 am
I’m hoping with you.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Oh! Bon, I hope. Please let it hold.
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
I’m so happy for you that your Dr was wrong! I was reading this and my heart was stopping, I thought “I could have sworn she was discussing names recently, could something have happened?” Thank goodness your little bean is in there and doing well. Many thoughts and prayers for your litle HUGH or NELL! :-P
March 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I hope you’re still checking the comments, I know you’ve got a pile… I am just bawling here, oh my god, I’m so happy for you and praying so hard…
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Oh my, Bon. What an ordeal. I know exactly what it’s like to have that heart-pounding moment when you relive bad memories and fear you’re in the middle of making yet another one.
That said, congratulations! I knew you and I were on the same schedule, but I’ve been afraid to ask. Wow. So we’re due pretty much the same time. Let’s hope that both of us make our way completely through these 40 weeks with a rosy baby at the end of it.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Lots of comments!! Congrats to you, I’m so glad things are going well. Take care.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
You are made of tempered steel.
Sending all the good pregnancy hormones your way. Thank you for reminding me this is a blessing, one not given easily.
Oh, Bon.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:19 am
YAAAY YAAY YAAY! Such fantastic news, and just when I was going to email you my own. 4 weeks.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:49 am
I am so happy for you Bon. I’ll be thinking about you and that little baby.
March 4th, 2008 at 5:23 am
Congratulations.
March 4th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Oh, Bon, my god, I went through a full range of emotions reading this post, which, MY GOD, reads like poetry.
Congratulations, and you have all my hope and promise and love and luck and holding vibes.
March 4th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
What are the timings – you should name him from the city of conception ;-)
March 4th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Bon, speak to himself, I think he now wants to call the bairn ‘Pasty’.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:21 am
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How exciting. I’m so happy for you! I simply adore your writing story, I feel like I’m reading a really great novel.
:) :) :)
March 5th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Oops. By writing story I mean writing style. Duh.
March 5th, 2008 at 3:01 am
Wow! Beautiful heartfelt post. I was on the edge of my seat and crying and laughing even though I read the newer one. Oh my! Warm fuzzies coming your way… :)
March 5th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Oh my! When you started with the clock… that f-ing clock… that’s exactly what you look at when the rug is about to be yanked out from under you… and my heart sank for you… But what fabulous, wonderful news it turned out to be. Sending you good thoughts for the most boring, healthy pregnancy on the planet.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:07 am
You’ve brought tears to my eyes at 8am while I’m sitting at my desk at work! What good news, I hope the rest of the pregnancy goes smoothly!
March 5th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
I almost don’t want to post, like my typing here should be accompanied by a huge grain of salt, a head of garlic, a bible, and a live goat sacrifice. I will simply hope for a more VISIBLE (ahem) source of happiness on the next go round. Yeesh. And happy clapping.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Congrats bon. Such wonderful news.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:16 am
my heart was pounding throughout your post, and i was hoping for the good news that you finally revealed. big, huge hugs to you!
March 7th, 2008 at 4:10 am
Happy, happy, happy!
I am so happy for you and with you!
March 7th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Congratulations!! Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers….
April 16th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
i’m sooooo (embarrasingly) far behind on your blog but i had to stop by to say this news made my day!
yes, yes, yes hope is good thing. and i’m reserving lots in my heart for you.
xoxo
leigh
February 3rd, 2011 at 12:48 am
I have already been preaching a little something very close to almost any individual who will pay attention.