Thu 21 Aug 2008
mail order groom up for grabs
Posted by bon under stuff stuff
[26] Comments
all quiet on the cervical front, friends. this evening’s literary reading at ye local library was uninterrupted by the waters of Babylon. i even laughed without peeing myself…banner day.
have i ever mentioned that i live two doors from the Dairy Queen? and that i have something of an, erm, sugar fetish? i came home from the reading with a fervent hankering for a chocolate-covered-cherry blizzard. they’re my all-time favourite, my True Patriot Love…and the fact that DQ took them off the menu a couple of decades ago does not daunt me, people. i know what i like: ice cream, cherry mix, cone dip. lots of cone dip. i have – with the help of slightly embarrassed minion Dave, who loathes ordering anything special or altered or ‘on the side’ but was nonetheless man enough to procure my fix when bedrest prevented me from doing so – been personally training the local DQ ice cream jockeys over the past few years to prepare this wondrous concoction of deliciousness. tonight i got the boy who’s really good: he puts a little extra cone dip in there, oh fine pimply charmer, and never scoops the extra off the top. some days, i think Dave & i should adopt him.
all that to say…this will be a short post. i need to go make love to my ice cream. and then write some more, because we have to read tomorrow night, at the closing dinner. and in the company i’m keeping, my meandering little rambles i feel so proud of here suddenly sound like the braying of donkeys.
oh well. one cannot learn if one does not shame oneself, i always say. ![]()
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i leave you with a challenge, or a favour, really, should you choose to accept it. the story opener below is an exercise we did today, a one-off written from a brief news clipping. i’d love feedback. first person to guess the backstory or what the news story was actually about will be allowed to share my next Blizzard. a little. first person to tell me how to end the damn thing will win my undying affection and…um…uh…something nice. i know! DQ boy! he doesn’t look engaged, or anything…so, uh, as long as you promise to move here so i don’t have to let him go, a talented young mail-order ice cream boy can be yours for just a little bit of closure.
He couldn’t say he hadn’t been warned.
Gordon normally ate oat bran for breakfast. Seven days a week, whether the girls were there or not. Oat bran – no sugar – soy milk, coffee. After his run, before his shower. At nearly fifty, it is work to stay trim, regular, ship-shape.
He generally pays little attention to whether the girls eat breakfast – he refuses to keep crap cereals in the house, though they are welcome to oat bran or toast or fruit as they desire, and he suspects the elder of throwing up most of what she eats anyway – so when the school counsellor had caught him in the midst of a meeting Friday afternoon – an important meeting, a single-malt meeting – and mentioned pancakes, it had thrown him off, led him to assume that the conversation was a prank, a charade.
“I don’t eat pancakes,” he’d said, flatly, into the phone, grimacing towards his Scotch partner with a look he’d hoped was both authoritative and blameless.
“Sir…Mr. Herbert…” The voice on the other end of the line had sounded awfully young. Gordon had grown irritated. Stupid joke. Maybe his youngest had pissed off some of the in-crowd at school? Fourteen year-old girls can be such bitches.
“Thank you for your time.” His voice had been curt, final, all Father-Knows-Best as he’d hung up, making it clear that he did not appreciate the interruption, the incursion of drama into the realm of his dignity. But when he’d flipped the phone over just to check the number, the display had read “Wilmington Charter School.”
Gordon’s run Saturday morning had taken him down towards the stream in the park. He’d noticed the faint tinge of yellow in the leaves, there, amongst the stately old trees that dappled the path with leaf-filtered light. “Odd,” he’d thought. “That’s early.” The leaves seldom fall until well into November.
When he’d gotten back to the house and found both girls up and in the kitchen, his thoughts were identical. This was odd. This was early, for a Saturday. He smiled at them, vague and solicitous. Julia, sprawled on the couch by the breakfast bar using his laptop, waved back sleepily. Tess had her back to him. She was…making pancakes.
“Hey, dad.”
“Hey, hon.” Gordon was aware, for a moment, that he sounded unusually hearty. He approached her, suddenly tense, like an animal wary of a trap. A part of his brain reeled, scrambled to recall yesterday’s phone conversation. Another part of it scanned the countertop for his coffee.
“I don’t eat pancakes,” Gordon said flatly, for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. He picked up his coffee cup and stared at his youngest child, willing her to look him in the eye.
Tess raised her eyes to his. The flecks of gold mirroring his own caught the morning light. She looked younger without all the usual makeup. She laughed.
“Who said they were for you, piggie?” she teased. She poked at him, digging where his belly used to be before all the running. For a second, her father remembered her, small and round and still in diapers, the two of them playing piggies with her tiny, stubby toes, oinking in abandonment.
“Make me a few,” he grinned at her, surprised by himself. But his smile was like steel, a challenge.




August 21st, 2008 at 10:22 pm
so glad the cervix is taking it’s job seriously. and DQ! There are none around us, but while on our summer road trip we had to stop at several so my hubby could get a banana split (and, incidentally, when we go to Chili’s he tries to talk them into making the nachos the “old way”)
August 21st, 2008 at 10:27 pm
um, ya, dq, dq, yayaya. YOU TELL ME what in the hell happens next. Tell me, dammit! I wanna know.
If this is what comes out of a writing seminar I think I’d better get my ass to one. I’m hooked. You’ve got to know. Stop toying with me. What happpppppeeeennnnnnsss?
August 21st, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Good grief! Usually when I get here there’s already eleventy hundred comments. The day I’m dying to read what everyone else thinks the story is about, I’m #2! Promise you’ll post the finished version?
August 21st, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Um, I have no earthly idea what happens next, but I’d gladly buy a DQ blizzard to find out. That must have been quite the prompt/clipping. I’m amazed you can fit so much intrigue and fun into one mere page of writing, and all the more amazed that you did it on command from a random prompt. Please please please tell us what happens next!
August 21st, 2008 at 11:01 pm
There’s some underage hanky panky goin’ on here. Pancakes indeed.
Thank god there’s not a DQ near my house. Your fave tho reminds me of my favorite frozen custard flavor at Michael’s in WI: Chocolate covered cherries in amaretto custard. Mmmmm.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I’m with Tash, on the hanky pancake-y front, or I’m completely off but in good company.
Can’t wait for then ending I know you’ll be so kind to add.
Umm…DQ….
August 21st, 2008 at 11:33 pm
hmm. i’m slow tonight, i think. i can’t figure out where this is going. interesting, though.
August 21st, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I was hoping there would be tons of comments explaining the whole thing. Since there aren’t, is it something about memory loss or Alzheimer’s?
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:20 am
oh…now I’m thinking cinnamon gurl might be on to something.
or…something to do with poisoning?
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:44 am
(yes, I’m aware, my third post…I’m a dork).
Read this to my husband, the poisoning was his idea (I apparently have known of my own). “Daughter poisons Father.” ??
peace out.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:49 am
Well, I may be the odd-woman out, but I loved the way the story just STOPPED–leaving me to believe that Gordon perhaps threw aside his strict oat bran-eating and had pancakes with his daughter, or maybe stormed off to ponder two such pancaked-instances over scotch in his study while Tess and Julia concocted a brilliant master plan to make their father happy. I liked that I could imagine my own ending. To me this seemed complete, a nice little story all wrapped up in itself like a present. Gordon, the phone call, his girls, the pancakes…I liked it a lot. It left me satisfied upon reading the last sentence.
August 22nd, 2008 at 3:17 am
Yea, but why would the school counselor from the school call about pancakes? THAT’s the part I don’t get. And does Julia’s suspected bulimia fit into the story later somewhere? It didn’t seem like a coincidence that that particular detail was mentioned in a blurb centering on food. And where is mom, because it seems to me that a single dad raising two girls probably WOULD be more in tune with what they are eating. Backstory? No idea. This whole piece raised more questions than it answers, and since it’s 2 am, I’m going to go sleep on it!
By the way, I LOVE large peanut butter DQ sundaes with extra PB. And John says I’m high maintenance when ordering because I like it how I like it and am not shy about requesting what I want (think “When Harry Met Sally”). We SO have to meet someday! (-:
So glad munchkinette is staying put.
August 22nd, 2008 at 10:23 am
Chocolate covered cherry blizzards are my favorite too! I still order them.
August 22nd, 2008 at 11:40 am
I have no clue what the back story is. All I can think of are GREAT TRAGEDIES, like the prep school boys from BC who killed their parents a few years back or the South Asian father who killed his daughter ostensibly b/c of he refusal to be a good Muslim girl. Somehow those narrative are more sinister than this story.
Now, if you had included a few Maple Leaf cold cuts alongside the bacon resulting in a bad case of food poisoning that finally brought the family together…
Glad to hear the cervix is keeping on keeping on.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Hmmm. As a true journalist, my research skills trump my imagination.
All I come up with is this from Wikipedia:
The Charter School of Wilmington is a high school in Wilmington, Delaware, with approximately 1000 students. It was one of the first public/private (self governed, state funded) charter schools in the United States, opening in 1996. It occupies the third floor and a wing of the second floor of the former Wilmington High building. Charter continually comes first in many state academic competitions including Math League and Science Olympiad, as well as sending many students to both All State Band and Orchestra.[citation needed] Charter students continually score high on the Delaware Standardized Test Program every year, leading the State statistics with the most students scoring a 5 (the highest grade on the test) in several subjects including Math and Science.
No breath of information about Gordon, Tess or Julia Herbert. No hint of scandal associated with the school . . . Bah!
Did Gordon miss his scheduled turn to make pancake breakfast for Wilimington Charter School students? Is Julia being teased for being “flat as a pancake?” Or are Julia and Tess at risk of being blackballed because they say “pancake” instead of the more socially-acceptable “crepe”? Is this about the maple syrup shortage in Delaware?
When is the next installment of the story? I’m going mad, I tell you, mad!
August 22nd, 2008 at 9:56 pm
I dunno, but I suspect it’s nothing CHEERFUL. one of these days, I’m going to write a book of short stories with nothing but happy endings. It’ll be GREAT.
I haven’t been eating Blizzards all summer and I also haven’t been losing any weight, dammit.
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:05 am
Ok Bon could this have something to do with it? http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1P2-6837844.html
You wanted feedback and the only thing I can say is that (apart from the sperb writing style) if your intent was to keep your readers guessing (and pulling their hair out about what happens next!)…intent achieved!
Im so glad your cervix is hanging in there. A little more to go…every day that passes is a giant step and you’re doing a fantastic job. I’m sure those blizzards have something to do with it….the baby’s saying “if it’s that cold out there, I think I’m gonna stay put for a little while longer in here.”
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:17 am
hmmm didn’t realise you need to sign up to access the above link I posted so the best I’ve got is “Her father, 46-year-old Timothy, confessed to raping her after threatening to cut her hair when she wouldn’t behave herself.” Am I on the right track?? See? you do have us dying to know!
Oh and LOL @ island journalist!
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:34 am
VICTIM, 47 – treated and released from hospital
Suspect, 14 – charged with attempted murder
Wilmington, Delaware
Teen accused of poisoning father’s pancakes — (Nando Times) Police said the 14-year-old told a counselor at her school Friday about her plans to poison her father’s breakfast. The counselor alerted the teen’s father, but the man didn’t heed the warning and ate the pancakes Saturday.
If this is the backstory, I feel like when you’re watching a movie and that really annoying person who has seen it wrecks its for everyone by telling the ending. Ok that, and 3 posts on the same blog in the space of about 30 minutes is making me hate pancakes right now!
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:39 am
Ooh, looks like Anta’s on to something.
By the way, I did feel like it was kind of complete as is. Even though I was left wondering…
August 23rd, 2008 at 2:40 pm
this makes me so happy. the ice cream love and the cervix both. well done, cervix.
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Anta – your research skills [handclapping, cheering]
My research skills [crickets chirping, a west wind blows through the birch leaves]
Well done!
Of course, to be fair, I think the mail order groom must be awarded to Awake’s husband, since he came up with the scenario first.
I anxiously await part II. Great writing, Bon. You had me at “He couldn’t say he hadn’t been warned.”
August 23rd, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Island_Journalist – Sherlock Holmes and I had it going on in my past life, don’t you know? So the credit’s all his.
As for the mail order groom, if this *is* the backstory, I do believe that it’s the Cherry Blizzard that’s up for grabs, isn’t it? I’ll pass it on to Awake’s husband without any problems as he did come up with the idea first..oh and I’m lactose intolerant anyway. Bon could always just mail me “pancakes” if she really feels obliged…soy milk please! Of course there would be a poisoning of sorts going on there too because they’d take a while to get to my neck of the woods.
I’m eagerly awaiting to read how Bon puts together the ending of this story… is a surprise family breakfast, with the dad possibly hitting on the counsellor who later shows up, and everyone living happily ever after out of the question?
August 24th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
yay for Awake and her clever husband, and for Anta! come visit, i’ll buy you all a Blizzard or brazier treat.
and thanks to all for the feedback. new complete version – with slight departures from original – will be posted when we get home. bait yer breath.
we’re over in Nova Scotia celebrating cousin Angus’ second birthday with wagon rides and much wildness. love to all.
August 25th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I read it late, but it sure sounded like poisoning was coming up to me too. : ) How disturbing that it really happened.
but happy news on the ice-cream and cervix front!
September 10th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Yea, well I’m just looking for a mail order groom, but I think what I am looking for.I’m not going to find.Looking for a spiritually discliplined clean male.Who knows his place is to be provider.Celabate is a must,who needs to know he will never sleep in my bed.Who loves intelligable conversation, submissive, kind, and knows he must work like a man should, honest, values, and know and apreciate in return.I will serve great meals, do all house needs as clothes shopping,ect.(no materialism)and is willing to pay for ym atificail insemintion of many races.And that he is for me, and I am for my children and not him.Though he will be treated of great vlaue and respect.Just as long as he knows his place.