Wed 10 Sep 2008
she will be Posey, at least here and for as long as Oscar struggles with the letter J.
her name is Josephine Eleanor Maud…the Josephine for Dave’s brother who died 19 years ago this September, the Eleanor and Maud for my grandmothers…with Maud also, smilingly, a nod to Maud Montgomery and Anne of Green Gables, the child’s birthright as an Islander whether she likes it or not. ;)
she is tiny for such a big, serious name…6 lbs, 4 oz, 18 inches long. she is fierce, bright-eyed, not yet 37 weeks but looking around, seeking, sticking her tongue out. she has her father’s pointy chin, Finn’s fuzzy dark hair, Oscar’s platinum eyebrows. my mother swears she has my hands, and that mine once fluttered as hers do, little sparrows, when i fed. she latches hungrily, doing her best. i gaze at her with wonder, with disbelief.
she came at 4:12 this afternoon, crowned her way into the world after a long night and a stitch that took a trip to the OR with me tits up, two doctors crammed between my open legs, tugging, to remove. we almost went for a c-section then, at only 7am. i am glad we didn’t. this was the birth i’d hoped for…humane, unrushed. second-degree tear, no biggie: overall, the experience was healing. i am grateful and relieved…and proud, quietly proud. i faced down a lot of fear today, felt the edges of the panic when the epidural wore off in transition, fought through. i remembered the things many of you had offered, held them tight. i crushed Dave’s hands and remembered why i was there. my doctor was there with me, and good, good nurses. i was safe. i didn’t even care that it was a Wednesday.
my last baby, this girl. tonight, i lay down my spent, sore body and know that i am lucky.
welcome, Josephine, wee Josephine.