Sat 25 Oct 2008
take two
Posted by bon under mama-baby stuff
[28] Comments
for six straight hours last night, she either nursed or screamed. i bounced her. her father burped her. we rocked her and i nursed her more and more and again more, pinned under my cheery giant pillow like a museum display of Motherhood. my spine eventually curled, nerves raw from the prolonged hormonal torture that is Your Newborn Crying, but her father got me a glass of Wolfblass and took her upstairs for a fresh diaper and generally quite redeemed himself from all that thankyou card nonsense, really.
we had friends in, and eating and drinking and talking went on despite the maelstrom at the centre of the house. we raised our voices to be heard. i swayed like Stevie Wonder through the conversations, lolling my head with the rise and fall of her protests, clucking and cooing while asking adult questions with the other half of my mouth. i heard nobody fully, maybe…but i was mostly there. enough to enjoy myself, despite the fact that she was having her worst evening to date.
and then it ended in a fit of poop and the cocoon of the sling. curled close to me, she suddenly quieted. we waved our friends off. we slept…never long enough, but deeply.
i tell people it’s easier – for us, at least – the second time around. it’s partly Posey herself…while last night was rare for her, it was the way Oscar’s evenings ran without fail until he was nearly four months old. but i know, too, this time, that it’ll end. i know that i’ll sleep again someday. and i know that hiding upstairs trying to settle the baby before i engage with my friends is a pointless, losing battle, one that will only ensure that i miss out on all the wine and most of the good gossip. i know, even in the moment, that these are not nights to wish away.





October 25th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
i love this post. and her little scrunched up face.
i am sure it is easier the second time around. with the two, well, it was just so hard. i have come to the point now where i feel i understand that everything ends, though my guts and tolerance do not always listen to what my mind knows. i can see the image of you swaying in place…when out sans children i still find myself doing it while talking to others of them.
glad you had your time, though a bit divided. and sounds like he is off the hook. in more ways than one.
October 25th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
oh dude-you know me, she of baby hatred-I still miss late night feedings, the strange conflicted bliss of being forced to sit the fuck down….even on the bad nights…I still remember the bad nights that merged to good, and how much future those nights held.
Now if I could get my almost 4 year old to stay in her bed….I won’t miss these nights. :)
And w00t! for Dave. Mine was much the same, and you can’t pay for that kind of help.
October 25th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
You are so wise to have friends over and go about the business of living with gusto, even with a screaming Posey in tow. I love thinking of that scene, everything about it.
October 26th, 2008 at 12:11 am
Good for you! It’s so easy to want to go hide while the baby cries but then we begin to feel resentful and it really does no one any good! I’m glad to stayed and enjoyed your company!
October 26th, 2008 at 2:19 am
You are so wise!! (and have an adorable baby).
October 26th, 2008 at 2:21 am
somehow the black and white of the photo makes it all seem so classic and tasteful, that screaming child. but oh, yes, we know.. we know….
October 26th, 2008 at 3:50 am
The crying shot is the one I haven’t been able to bring myself to take, and yet I want one because somehow it’s such an intrinsic part of my baby’s first several months. Posey is so adorable and your husband is a saint for giving you even a brief respite. :O)
October 26th, 2008 at 7:47 am
This, I think is possibly the best advice anyone could give a new Mum:
“… hiding upstairs trying to settle the baby before i engage with my friends is a pointless, losing battle, one that will only ensure that i miss out on all the wine and most of the good gossip”.
Hope she’s better tonight guys – and well done on the redemption Dave.
October 26th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Well good for you and that sucks.
Just seeing the picture, I can hear the unique sound of a new born cry.
Wish I could have met her. Sometimes Mart has all the fun.
October 26th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
In theory KayTar was easier, too, because we didn’t have the new parent fear, but harder, too. We discovered Dharma and Greg during her infancy, because it was on at 2am when we were both awake with a screaming baby every single night. It eased our pain. ;)
I wish I had blogged through both of their babyhoods, I can never remember it all quite clearly enough!
October 26th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
oh, i could never go back. Sleep is my sweet love.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Yes. I was so prepared for Pumpkin’s fussy evenings I weathered them fairly unscathed. Much different than it was with the boys. I not only had experience on my side, I had a much, much deeper perspective. When I would feel myself starting to grow weary of the constant swaying, dancing and soothing, I would simply whisper to myself, “She’s here… she’s here…” It was the most grounding thought in the world.
Sweet, screaming girl.
October 27th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Oh poor mama and poor baby, I’m glad you are dealing with it so well, but again, this sounds like her reflux meds aren’t working enough. Can you get the Doc to give you something else to use as well as the ranitidine? Like losec, or prevacid, or anything?
October 27th, 2008 at 11:30 am
He is redeemed. ;)
My 2.5 year old has been waking up every night for the past month. This morning I grumpily told my husband that she could go back to sleeping well any time now. It will be over in what feels like a blink, he said, wisely. When you look back, restrospectively, it’s all blinks.
October 27th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Ah, perspective. It is a good thing to have. Thanks for sharing yours so beautifully.
October 27th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I hope I’m not repeating suggestions you’ve already heard, but I have a good friend whose daughter’s awful colic was cured after a trip to the chiropractor. Not sure what the guy actually did to her at three months old, but it stopped the 12pm-4am crying overnight. Might be worth a look if it gets bad…Good luck. This is such a hard phase.
October 27th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
It is easier the second time around. But it is still hard. Sorry you had such a rough night mama.
October 27th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Ah, the screaming baby. I think my ears are still ringing, years later.
That second kid is easier but is still pretty freaking hard.
October 27th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
You know what? My whole body STILL seizes up just looking at that pictures of a squalling infant. I am very impressed at your second-go-round sangfroid in the face of the evening freakouts. A little perspective makes all the difference, it seems!
October 27th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
How can she be so beautiful even when she is screaming..?
I did find that the second time was easier – knowing that the “bad times” would pass – and were therefore not all that bad. (The first time around, it seemed like the world would end…)
October 28th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
That is such a brave thing, really. The sound of crying isn’t something people were meant to endure for long periods!
October 29th, 2008 at 1:52 am
Knowing that it will end makes all the difference. That is indeed the truth.
Even when one is parked by the side of the interstate in the dark, waiting for the crying to subside so that the baby can be tucked back into the carseat for the remaining 300 miles of the drive. I guess I need to write that one up.
October 29th, 2008 at 2:25 am
hee hee- i take pics of bean screaming, too- so different this time around to be sure…i just feel so much more confidence with this one, and also more assuredness that we’ll be ok- knowing that it’s all a phase, it all will pass, surely gets me through the rocking and shushing and crying and nursing craziness…
October 29th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
so funny…my baby started having little screaming fits too. She likes being wrapped tightly against my chest in the Moby Wrap…it’s the only thing that calms her down when she’s really overtired and can’t soothe herself. I highly recommend the Moby Wrap!
October 29th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Funny thing, we had friends over last night and all hell broke loose… Isaac cried for an hour because he wasn’t allowed to stay up and James wouldn’t go to bed until nearly two hours past his usual bedtime.
But if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t have had any adult time at all this week, and momma needs a break, you know?
Cute picture. I have yet to take a picture of either kid while they are screaming. I guess maybe I should, just to flap the print at them when they are teenagers.
October 31st, 2008 at 7:44 am
Restless nights and torturous jags, but oh thee bleary bliss filled mornings.
wishing peace, patience and a second glass in the company of friends and babes.
October 31st, 2008 at 2:28 pm
That is one awesome picture.
I am SO, SO RELIEVED to hear that it gets easier. It would HAVE TO.
Even having those nights for SEVEN MONTHS seems like the blink of an eye now.
xox
November 16th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I am waaay late to this, but I wanted to chime in to say that I get this, all the way. A bit different, but I think from the same place– JD kept/keeps rushing the time, to when the Cub would smile, or whatever other milestone he was/is chomping at the bit for, and I get mad at him every time he does that, because I feel like that’s rushing past these moments now, the precious moments of right now.