Sun 8 Feb 2009
shed
Posted by bon under stuff stuff
[21] Comments
and then sometimes it just all builds up and the urge to run, to outdistance, unfetter, leaves me shaking.
i live in the nexus of family and old friends, in the town where i grew up, the town where, sometimes, i feel smallest. the sidewalks testify to memories three decades old and to go out in public is to shoulder the burden of all the selves i once was, those big pink 1984 coke-bottle lenses and the gym suit with the bow around the waist and those times i didn’t know what to say so i got too loud and tittered at That Boy like a shrill macaw, all these Bonnies dragging around behind me like tin cans off a wedding jalopy. clang, they jar into my present, blurry shadows when i turn to look at them yet heavy still, time having layered them with the cement of self-consciousness and discomfort in my own skin. my tin can necklace, encrusted with pearls of shit.
elsewhere this accoutrement dissolves, worn away by years of learning to laugh at myself, to walk tall, but here the past sometimes is too much with me. here there is no distance from which to shed myself, those skins long outgrown and constricting.
i’ve been watching CBC online while nursing, watching Erica Strange wander through her own past to learn lessons missed along the way. i’m compelled by the show on one level. Erica’s ‘failed potential’ schtick resonates, though not quite so much as seeing my own wardrobe on tv for the first time ever…so what if its in all the 90s flashbacks? ahem. but on another level the premise frustrates, as stories of time travel so often do…if the Erica who goes back to the prom makes different choices than she did the first time ’round, wouldn’t the cumulative effects of the experience carry over into the intervening years, thus changing the person she ends up being at 32? or at least making different lessons necessary?
what keeps me glued to the screen is the hypnotic sense of homesickness that creeps over me every time Erica flashes back to an era i hadn’t ’til now fully realized was so long gone.
i would like, for an afternoon, to shed the years between now and 1992 just to go back and walk through that life, to revisit its minutiae. sure, it would be good to take a long, kind look in the mirror and see the beauty in that twenty-year-old face and twenty-year-old body and convince my twenty-year old self of both those things once and for all. and if i could walk once more into the high, cool foyer of my grandmother’s house and find her waiting, see her eyes glint blue for smiling at me…my joy would be without bounds. but that is too much to ask. i would settle for far less.
for one afternoon, i’d like to walk down the road that runs by my street and see it as it was seventeen years ago. not because i expect it was so terribly different, or better, or worse…rather because i’d like the luxury, now, of simply being present to it. i’d note whether the cars were bigger than i remember, the hair bigger, the peg-leg jeans as funny as i remember. i’d walk drugstore aisles and say, hallo there hair gel and salutations, photography film and yo, Snapple, did you change your packaging somewhere along the way? i would drink in all these once-familiar mundanities, walk through the old grocery store like a museum-goer, all enamoured by what was once just life.
i would say, this is 1992, and i would know that those were magical words.
the day-to-day is impossible to recall in detail once the backdrop changes. the dramas and hurts that get lived out over that background sometimes linger far too long. i wish i could shed the past and cradle it to me all at once, visit in doses like a favourite seaside rather than find myself drowning and sputtering in tides too strong only to be cast up on the shores of the unfamiliar future, unready to let go wholesale of worlds that once were mine.




February 8th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
yes. i’ve been feeling disquieted all day. it’s a sunday mood — i experience it often.
and you’ve summed it up in such a lovely way, as always.
sunday is my day for regret and wistfulness as well. a day for wandering, peeking into corners containing alternate lives, alternate selves.
February 8th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
A wrote a poem about that very feeling a long time ago…I should go find it.
I find myself drawn to about 1985-old enough to know happy, too young to care, and view those pieces of nostalgia with a pain in my heart and the knowledge that I’d give anything to be that family, that girl again, even with the knowledge of what was to come.
Stupid Sundays.
February 8th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
When they say you can’t go home again, they really mean you can’t go home again without paying a hefty extra baggage fee. As someone about to move back to all my formative bad hair cuts and questionably fashionable fashion choices I understand what that walk down the sidewalk with the tight skin can feel like. But oh – to have a few of those days back.
February 8th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
“all these Bonnies dragging around behind me like tin cans off a wedding jalopy.”
What a GREAT image. I could read your stuff all day.
February 8th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Lately I have been thinking about my parents and my husband’s parents when he and I had just met. They were at that point younger than we are now – imagine that! Our lives are so different than the lives they led at our age.
February 8th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Gorgeous imagery. I’ve thought a lot about the past lately and how much I’ve changed and how much I haven’t. Very much like this. It’s always lovely to read your writing.
February 8th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Margaret beat me to the adoration of that jalopy line… Bon, I hate to say it but in terms of your writing I think sleep-deprivation agrees with you. Amazing post, and I’m completely wordless, and now I’ll duck.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Breathtaking.
I no longer live in the place that I grew up; I don’t think I’ll ever go back. There are big reasons — time, distance, no family left there anymore, nothing calling to me — but oh, this post conjures up more and more.
Hmmmmm.
February 9th, 2009 at 2:13 am
I would have gotten around to it anyway, but you got my ass in gear.
http://vomitcomit.wordpress.com/2009/02/08/there/
Thanks.
February 9th, 2009 at 2:53 am
you never fail to steal my breath
February 9th, 2009 at 8:29 am
I have always thought it needs a brave and self aware person to stay where they grew up. I rarely get the chance to be where my past is. You write about melancholy beautifully.
February 9th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Here’s another vote for the brilliance of the jalopy line. (-:
“I would like, for an afternoon, to shed the years between now and 1992 just to go back and walk through that life…The day-to-day is impossible to recall in detail once the backdrop changes.”
Ah…my scrapbook albums are my walks back in time. I swear I wouldn’t remember their babyhood at all if it weren’t for those albums! I tried (and still try) to force myself to record the daily minutia that seems so rote, so routine, knowing it will seem foreign and strange just a few years from now. As a result, my albums become so much more precious over time.
February 9th, 2009 at 11:42 am
So very evocative.
February 10th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I would go back to enjoy the simplicity that was then, but that I was unaware of at the time.
Nice post.
February 10th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
gorgeous.
what is it about having children that sends us into journeys down memory lane? i get stuck there often, lately. could be that i am too tired to make new memories currently.
what i do really agree with you on is that save a very few things (mostly where i hurt others) i wouldn’t change a thing- b/c how could i be here now, be who i am now, knowing what i know now without being there then? a life lived regretting the past is one i can’t be living, really. learn from my mistakes and shortcomings and move forward, always forward, enjoying the here and now because of the past and with hope for the future. xo.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Your writing leave me breathless, Bon.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
I swear I think all the way through your posts but when I come to the end all I’m left with is…gorgeous.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I’ve often felt this, especially the last two years. And it’s not that that time of my life was especially great or wonderful — it wasn’t really — but because I want to go back for a day and have those worries. I want to worry about which pants to wear, and whether to put that mousse in my hair that turns my highlights red. I want to worry about whether I studied enough for my English exam. I want to worry about making that close connection between my poetry magazine meeting and my soccer practice. I want to worry about where when and how I’m going to find time to be alone with my boyfriend.
Just for a few hours. But big bad thing notwithstanding, I’m ok where I am, so I wouldn’t change a thing — it would just be nice to feel unfettered for a bit, to have less baggage.
February 11th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
on the brink of upsidedownedness, this somehow made a lot of sense. or made me panic. or both.
February 12th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
This is such a great post. I have often wondered what it would be like if I had stayed in my hometown, or gone back to live. It would be almost exactly as you have described here about yourself. Instead, I settled down in our state’s biggest city, the one I feared as a teenager. I live two hours away and enjoy being my adult self, without the weight of my teenage self and those tin cans you described. It’s tough though, because I miss being with people who KNOW me. Whose stories are my stories. People that I don’t have to create myself for. I long for that sometimes too.
February 14th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Wow! Love the imagery. I mostly avoid my hometown…and looking at photos of my permed hair. Delightful post!