Wed 29 Apr 2009
sun in Taurus, moon in the wind
Posted by bon under coping stuff, mama-baby stuff, milestone stuff
[64] Comments
on Sunday afternoon, at the park with the kids, my bracelet broke.
online friends made the bracelet for me shortly after Posey was born last fall. an ornate art deco clasp, and three strands of silver beading, each with the name and birthstone of one of my children. Oscar & Finn, April, crystals. Josephine, September, sapphire. it was gorgeous. and i cried when i opened the little package, because this bracelet made and sent by semi-strangers had all three of my babies’ names on it, the only thing in my possession linking the three so visibly.
it made me smile.
the strand that broke last Sunday was Finn’s. i scrabbled in the early spring grass, trying to contain the beads as they rolled brightly away and at the same time keep Posey from swallowing the ones i retrieved. i found a few of the crystals, found the F, the two Ns. but the little square bead with the I escaped me. i got down on my hands and knees, traced the dirt with my fingertips. gone.
the strand of my broken child, always so elusive, broken. the wind blew my hair into my smarting eyes.
then i caught myself. i raised my head to the sharp gust and the dry leftover leaves skittering. he is not in a bracelet, i told myself. he cannot be lost again. he is everywhere, dust, in these leaves, in his brother and sister. he is written on you. i stood up, spun my head around almost as if i expected to see him there, some little colt-legged shadow with a brown bowl cut.
hello, you.
i left that bead somewhere in that playground, lost like the child himself, relinquished to the world, the universe. it is there, somewhere, in that grass. i just cannot see it.
it is fitting, the bracelet perhaps more honest with its broken strand than it was before. this is my family picture, three children, one floating free, without an I. and on his birthday this year, i do not sorrow any more. where once there was a hole where he had been, a gaping wound, now time has left mostly love, indelible, stronger than death.
happy fourth birthday, my Finn…my wee one, my shadow baby, my son. i smile at you.





April 29th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Aw Bon…. if I could just give you one everlasting hug I most certainly would. You surely deserve it.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:41 am
This is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Hugs to you.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:46 am
all.
d.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Happy Birthday to Finn.
May you find some peace on this day as you remember your sweet boy.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:22 am
this is breathtakingly beautiful. You are.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:24 am
I feel such peace from this. Thank you for sharing something so personal with us all.
Happy birthday Finn.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:30 am
So glad that love has (mostly) filled in the hole that sorrow leaves.
Thinking of you and Finn today. Thank you for sharing a beautiful post.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:40 am
I was going to type “sending much love” or something similar, but it seems you have it in spades.
xo
April 29th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Beautiful
April 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
oh, Bon, you are amazing. Happy Birthday to your sweet, sweet Finn.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am
happy birthday sweet finn. your lovely mama loves you. she has made us all love you, too.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:26 am
You so often punch me in the gut that I gasp with emotion.
Happy birthday Finn. I think of you often.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Hello, you indeed. Happy birthday, you as well.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:37 am
This was so poignant. I found myself crying.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Happy Birthday to your sweet Finn.
This was gorgeously written.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Thinking of you on your birthday, Finn.
Thinking of your siblings and parents, too. Much love, Bon.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Happy Birthday, Finn, with love.
This was absolutely beautiful, Bon, like you and your three beautiful children.
April 29th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Oh, Bon. The symbolism of that bracelet…
Happy Birthday, Finn.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Wonderful post. Happy Birthday, Finn.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
gasp
April 29th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Amazing.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Yes, gasp…. thinking of you all.
April 29th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Do you ever think of the birth of Finn as being some other kind of birth of you? That’s the case when we birth all our children, those here and elsewhere. But in the case of elsewhere babies, what we have of us is all we have left.
And so today I’ll say I’m thinking of you, Bon, with those big, wide-open eyes courtesy of your traveller son.
xo
April 29th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Thinking of you, too, and of Finn. Happy birthday, beautiful boy.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
You are amazing Bon.
Happy fourth birthday little Finn.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Oh, lovely and heartbreaking and sad and brave.
April 29th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Oh, Finn. That’s a beautiful and sad post you’ve got there.
April 29th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
I see your strength and that little extra sparkle in your eyes, the lightness in your step. I’ve only followed you a little while, but you have grown and discovered so much about yourself and the world. Thank you for sharing every step and teaching the rest of us how to live.
April 29th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Happy Birthday, Finn.
We love your mommy, too.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
That photo is terribly poignant.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
beautiful, bon. the bracelet too. happy birthday to your little one.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Thinking of you and Finn, and so glad that you’ve been left with such love.
April 29th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
What a beautiful post. Happy birthday wee Finn. You are loved.
April 29th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
>Hugs<
April 29th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
You just brought me to my knees in tears. This post shakes me, Bon. And, I’m left with no words. But I will never forget that photograph you have taken. Happy Birthday to your Finn.
April 30th, 2009 at 12:07 am
Without an ‘I’ … a beautiful tribute, Bon, to your son born this day.
April 30th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Hi! I’m a first-time commenter. I really like your blog.
This post was absolutely beautiful. It really touched me…Happy Birthday, Finn.
-Jonna
April 30th, 2009 at 12:44 am
happy birthday finn. you are so loved, you know.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:00 am
I just posted here for the first time yesterday. This post caught me off guard and absolutely stunned me to tears. Happy birthday, Finn. Thinking of you, Bon.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:26 am
This is so beautiful, Bon.
Thinking of you, and Finn, today, and always. xoxo
April 30th, 2009 at 2:55 am
Bon, you beautiful mom. Oh, Bon.
April 30th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Thinking of you – and what a beautiful post for Finn’s birthday.
April 30th, 2009 at 8:26 am
did my mama die on finn’s birthday?
oh.
oh.
love to you.
April 30th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Happy birthday, Finn.
This was a beauty, Bon.
April 30th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Beautiful, beautiful post. Came back to read it again.
April 30th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Happy birthday Finn.
April 30th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Hugs, kisses and lots of love to you all!! Very touching post Bon. I was overwhelmed by many different emotions. It is a tribute to you as Finn’s mother that you are able, through your words, to mark this day in such a beautiful way. Thank you.
May 1st, 2009 at 9:28 am
Just beautiful. Happy Birthday to your precious boy.
May 1st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I am late to this, as is sadly usual for me lately. But I wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and Finn, and Dave, and O, and Posey these past two days. And this? Is poetic and beautiful. A lovely and wise tribute.
May 1st, 2009 at 1:36 pm
oh honey.
oh good god damn. it’s something, isn’t it..the ways the heart can stretch without shattering entirely.
i love you
May 1st, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Oh Bon, I am so sad and happy and sympathetic and empathetic with you. It’s true…there comes a time when you find peace. It’s jsut a long road to get there!
May 1st, 2009 at 11:19 pm
This was breathtaking.
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Happy birthday Finn. Sorry Bon that I am not as good with dates as you and a bit previous in my birthday wishes a while back.
Lovely, lovely words for your first little man.
May 2nd, 2009 at 11:11 pm
oooo~
May 3rd, 2009 at 1:56 am
i have had jewelry that has spoken truth to me in its breaking.
what a gift, though, from your bloggy friends.
May 3rd, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I am lat to this but it was beautiful. Happy birthday Finn.
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Such a beautiful tribute to mother and son.
Thanks for sharing.
May 4th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
p.s.
I’ve cast you in a little play over at my place
May 4th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
That park is another place that now bears witness to Finn’s legacy. He is connected to the universe in so many magical and unexpected ways because he was here, and in having being here, he still continues to – and always will – matter. Happy birthday sweet little one.
May 4th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
This made my heart skip a beat it was so lovely.
May 5th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Happy Birthday Finn.
Sorry i am late with my wishes…
May 6th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Speechless.
Thank you for sharing this …
May 6th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Happy birthday to your sweet Finn.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
So beautiful, Bon. It hits me in the deepest place of truth. She’s not gone either, she is everywhere.