Raising two daughters in the land where “kawaii” (cute) rules, this issue of “prettiness” often crosses my mind. This is also compounded by the fact that not only are my girls cute, they’re also “half” (the Japanese term for half-Japanese, half-non-Asian race; I don’t really like the term but there’s rarely any malicious intent behind it). Light skin, big eyes, light brown hair: the only way they could be considered cuter in this country is if they were blond and blue-eyed. Whenever we go out anywhere in our small mountain town, other girls and their mothers, high school girls and random passersby comment on how cute they are. It’s fine now, but I hope it doesn’t cause problems or limit them as they get older.

BTW, loved the title and how it eventually became apparent why you chose it. Quite possibly my 2nd favorite REM album of all time…

Your writing is splendid.

And I do admire the way you pose questions for your reader to consider at the end of your posts. Really lovely.

Clearly I wasted my 20′s doing feminist theatre if it has all come to this. Britney & her ilk. Gossip Girls. The messages for girls are even more conflicted now than when I / we were growing up. Now girls must be pretty and smart and empowered. They must be “hot” and get into Princeton.

Tell your daughter she is pretty. Tell her so now & always & no matter what. Not because pretty is important in our culture, but because she needs to hold tight to her own core of self-esteem lest she cannibalize herself in the impossible face of our air-brushed culture.

Coworker and parent. From small town PEI by the by. He looked at me and cut me down. Made me to this day dedicated to expelling the smart OR pretty bullshit I was raised on. I find beauty inordinately useful with my children. I fight the consumer culture of beauty to preserve the beautiful.

The loveliness of kindness, sweet words, , beautiful voice, grace and humility is worth keeping. Beauty of appearance is alright, too.

I didn’t actually realize we did this until I read your post & the comments. I will now go comb the children’s hair. Sheesh.

i still feel like i need make up on to be pretty. and in ways i feel i dodged the bullet of the question you explored above. boys are boys, pretty cannot hurt. but girls are girls and i do think pretty helps a lot. it seems the way of it, but i also think the inner self reflects some type of radiance when it is good and that can be really really pretty.

um, and you are very pretty. just thought you should know.

I try not to play up the pretty so much. I will say “Your hair looks really pretty like that.” Or, “I like the way that dress looks on you.” But I also really try to emphasize the strong and the smart, the kind and the creative. However, I never really felt pretty past age 12 so I fear I obsess far too often about my own looks and I wonder if they pick up on that?