Comments on: holy holy holy

By: Veronica Roebuck

Veronica Roebuck — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:49:24 +0000

Thanks for your write ups, your blog is not like all the other spammy and poorly written sites. you got a bookmark from me!

By: Quadelle

Quadelle — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:28:21 +0000

Another beautiful, thoughtful and thought-provoking post.

How to share my faith with my kids is something I feel conflicted about. I rejected the very conservative religious beliefs of my family of origin, but returned to the overall faith, albeit for completely different reasons than the ones I was force fed as a child. Put more bluntly, I felt that the faith imposed on me was one of rules and regulations, where I feel the faith I’ve chosen is one of relationship.

How to provide ways and opportunities for my children to develop and explore a relationship with God themselves without veering uncomfortably close to indoctrination is what stumps me most. I can model my faith to some extent, but there are practical limitations of this. Particularly as some aspects of a relationship – especially one with God – are inherently private, and that by trying to give voice to or explain them it is all too easy for me to misrepresent or miscommunicate.

The faith imposed upon me was simple and clear; full of black and white. The faith I have chosen is almost entirely shades of grey. While I share a few central beliefs, a great swathe of theology my family would view as crucial tenets I consider to be meaningless, irrelevant, harmful or simply unknowable. So I wonder about how much of the add ons I expose them to? When? With what level of context and discussion? What is being overly prescriptive? What is being irresponsibly non-directive in light of all the information that others will happily proselytize about?

So, it’s hard. I don’t have the answers. I fumble along. I long at times for the relative ease of black and white, but I shudder at the prospect of going there. My oldest is not even three, so I gather there will be many years of trying to work it out.

By: Kyla

Kyla — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 14:34:46 +0000

We are Christians, but lately I’ve struggled a bit with the politics that seem to come along with this. I don’t necessarily believe Jesus would have been a Republican, but the rest of our religion seems to. That makes things a bit difficult at times.

By: Kate @ UpsideBackwards

Kate @ UpsideBackwards — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 08:16:49 +0000

Bon, you have written so beautifully something which could have come from my own heart (only I couldn’t put it as well as you do, I am sure!). My husband and I were both raised in church-going families, and both moved away from church long ago. We did not baptise our children, but have held “name-giving” ceremonies for them. We have asked friends and relatives to be god-parents, and deliberately chosen religious (church-going, that is) people for this role. That way, when the children ask these questions, we can give them our own answers, and their god-parents can give them their answers. So far this has worked well (our oldest is nearly seven). Come to think of it, each set of god-parents is from a different denomination; that was not by design but is rather nice I think.
I enjoy church music, and play in a church once a month now. I rather regret that I don’t share the faith, but I feel it a privilege to contribute to the experience of those who do. I like to take the children to church once in a while so they feel comfortable there and can choose to go later in life if they wish.
We do the best we can, as we all do, but I know exactly what you mean about the “belonging”.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 04:24:46 +0000

Bon, yes, you have captured it so well. I feel I am letting him down if I do not provide him with tradition and community and a solid faith, yet I do not have the same relationship with the church as I did when I was a kid, and sometimes find more harm in it than good. My 7 year old is exhibiting that he has absorbed an ethical base, but that’s only a small part of it, isn’t it?

By: JoC

JoC — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:12:26 +0000

Add-on comment to say that I am not sure how to escape the “some people believe…” words. Whether I land firmly in Christian Faith or not I imagine always using these words. Whether it describes what I believe or not… Of course, my son hasn’t asked yet. His most recent difficult question was “Are there real jails?” You see he is a fan of spider-man and co now… It seems an easy question to answer, especially as his dad works at a half-way house for guys coming out of federal penitentiaries. But it lead to so many other questions. Interesting.

By: sanctimommious

sanctimommious — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:50:09 +0000

I relate to the not quite knowing what to say. I found for example, the sex talk to be pretty easy as it is fairly black and white. I can explain facts but how to explain something I feel I am still mulling over for myself was tough. I guess I feel like the “some people believe” kind of stuff I gave them is a bit of a cop out. I was a honest as I could be in saying that they will have to decide for themselves what is true and that I will try to help them investigate in any way I can. The fact that they look to me as the authority for that type of thing is humbling. I cant remember how old I was before I realized that my own mother was just another person and no expert. I wonder when my own are going to catch on.

By: Painted Maypole

Painted Maypole — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:59:38 +0000

we share our faith with our daughter, but it’s hard sometimes to feel so confident in it. I want her to own it for herself, but also feel it’s important to give her a solid foundation from which to then question and explore. Right now her faith is quite simple, I guess. She doesn’t talk much about it… not like she did when she was a toddler (my favorite… eating lunch on the porch one day she was busy listing all the things God made… then she paused and said “God sure is a busy guy!”) I guess ultimately the test for me is whether she sees our faith in action in how we live from day to day, and not just in the stories we teach her.

By: mimi

mimi — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:20:35 +0000

I would like to believe, not for the existential security that might offer, but for the comfort of a ready-made community of a church, for those rituals of bake sales and volunteering and gathering and ceremony that stitched my own (Catholic) youth together.

Munchkin hasn’t asked. I don’t quite know what I’d say, but your toddler-sized disquisition to O sounds like a great place to start, actually.

By: JoC

JoC — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:32:40 +0000

Hello. Well, lots of thoughtful comments. Looks like it is hard for people to stay on topic – talking about faith or lack of faith with our children. I guess because it is so tangled up with what we believe and our childhoods.

I am currently struggling with this. My mom has bought a few bible stories for my now 4 year old. I have recently been re-exploring Christianity. I found a group called “Christianity Explored” welcome and encouraged questions (not my experience as a child). The course parallels an engaging book called “Mere Christianity” by CS Lewis (based on some talks he did for BBC in 1942). Anyway, she thought I had done a full turnabout and bought a huge and $ book for Ryan on God!! She took offence when I replied “no thank you” but eventually returned it.

I think all we can do as parents is welcome and encourage questions (as scary as that can be). True humility (not humble pie and not fear mongering) helps in this regard.

Thank you for voicing your thoughts!