Comments on: done & doner

By: George

George — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 03:06:42 +0000

When Will went to make his vasectomy appointment he rang me. ‘I’m doing this, are you sure you’re okay with this?’. I didn’t answer straight away, so he jumped in with ‘Are you sure you won’t miss being pregnant?’ ‘Shit, no! No! Lock it in Darling’ I said. Done with babies? Yeah, but only because I’m done with toddlers and done with pregnancy. I could do 0-18months over and over again!

By: Trish

Trish — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:52:09 +0000

After F was born, I desperately wanted a third – he was such a different baby and I was so much happier and less anxious than with my first that I wanted to do this again. But as he’s grown older, and I’ve gotten more and more of my life back, I’ve realized I’m too selfish for a third. I don’t want to split myself three ways, two is enough and it leaves a bit for myself – to read, to write, to sew, to pick my nose if I want to… It’s been a gradual realization though and we’re not quite ready for the V yet… (My husband is, but I’m not 100% there…)

By: Beck

Beck — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:07:06 +0000

I still haven’t all the way decided. My husband feels pretty damn done, however. But the way he holds small babies always whispers to me that despite what he says, he FEELS differently. My brain trying to wreck my marriage? MAYBE.

By: anymommy

anymommy — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 05:30:55 +0000

I truly don’t understand how people get to “done.” I want to. I know our family is full and large and happy and I should be done. But, I think some part of me will always yearn a little bit for this baby time. I’m having the hardest time letting go. I don’t know why? Because I felt young? Because it’s so intense? Because I fear who I am in the next phase?

I don’t know, but you make it sound lovely.

By: Samuel Johnson Eat Your Heart Out « After Iris

Samuel Johnson Eat Your Heart Out « After Iris — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:05:53 +0000

[...] want to have another baby. Greedy again. I’ve read a couple of posts recently about being done or not done and found myself fantasising about those two faint lines. It is purely fantasy. [...]

By: MidLifeMama

MidLifeMama — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 14:24:15 +0000

I was done before I ever had the one I have. I was not that person who craved to have children, or be a mother. I am a nurturer, but I had been very satisfied nurturing things and people other than a child of my own flesh. Then I went and married Fertile Fred. I was 41 when we married, and 6 months later, after thinking I would never have children, and we were not trying to have them, I was quite unexpectedly expecting. I had to have an emergency c-section to deliver him at 32 weeks because I was VERY sick and the doctor was trying to be sure I wanted the tubal ligation I was requesting. “What if the worse case scenario happens and you lose him. Will you want to try again” she was asking this woman who was on the verge of dying because her body was not liking being pregnant. “Oh I am not doing this again. If I need to have a child in my life, we will find another way.” Fortunately, he thrived, and we are done. I am blessed to have him, but I am done.

By: Elizabeth (@claritychaos)

Elizabeth (@claritychaos) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 04:02:05 +0000

First of all, I loved the ‘Lisa Simpson of pap tests’.

It was so much easier to answer this question when we had two. I felt it in my cells that another little being was floating around out there, waiting to enter our family. And now we’ve had our three for a solid year, and I just don’t know whether this is it. Or not.

It’s hard to tell what’s heart and what’s hormones. I do want another one, I really do. My husband doesn’t. So for now, we wait. We started young enough (whoops!) that we can wait five years (thank you Paraguard!) and revisit the question.

but even if we aren’t talking about it, the idea swirls through my mind daily.

By: dawn

dawn — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 18:12:40 +0000

Bon,
I love how you take topics that are unmentionables and make them mention able. It is so obvious that they are also
relate-able to many heartstrings. Thank you for your writing.

BTW, those who share the big V safety net know that another child would appropriately be named Jesus.

By: Chris

Chris — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 14:52:04 +0000

My husband was snipped last summer. I’m 43 with three sons; the youngest is four. I occasionally have baby pangs, and admire those that know for certain their family is complete. For me, the realization that I simply don’t have the energy I once did, and we too have experienced some intense difficulty and heartache with our sons, leaving me frightened it will happen again… I simply don’t have the energy. But, I wish I did some days. It’s complicated for most women, especially when we hit our late 30s and early 40s. Wonderful post, as usual.

By: Swistle

Swistle — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:26:18 +0000

I clicked through from Girl in a Boy House. I am still waiting, still HOPING to feel it, and happily I do get occasional glimpses of it. My husband fully has that feeling, so I’d like to be on board too.