Comments on: snips and snails

By: Jo

Jo — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 02:50:59 +0000

Bon! I lost you – it’s been months, I think, since I’ve read here. Just updating my Reader and added your blog. Good to read you . I love my two boys. At least in this house, their drama is far less weighty than the 2.5 year old girl’s. Don’t get me wrong, she’s my third arm. But boy oh my I seem to jive with the boys’ way of handling emotions. Perhaps Moira is like looking in a mirror. I’m a huge talker and a pretty emotional person; raising that is hard. The boys fight it out and move right on, no grudges. I love that. Moira still brings up times she was ‘mad wif me’ two weeks ago, LOL.

As for a 4th child, we walked that road for almost two years after she was born. Hardest letting go I’ve ever done. But one day, the summer after she was two, I held another baby and promptly wished to return it to its mom. Very little maternal nurturing going on there, where five years ago I wished to hold any crying baby. I realized I had my plate happily full, and I just felt, finally, that I wanted to move forward with our life as a family of five rather than add on. Very glad we made that choice, as I tried to get PG again for two months and my heart wasn’t 100% into it – which also spoke volumes to me…good to be here again..

By: mimi

mimi — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 02:35:03 +0000

My sister has become the mother of boys (14 and and her world and mine (with a 3 y/o) never gelled as much as I thought they would once I too became a parent: I’m horrified by her boys’ violences and smelliness, and my daughter’s hairdo requirements baffle her. It’s weird.

By: mamie

mamie — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 03:54:14 +0000

i find myself in a totally opposite place. i have 5 brothers (and only 2 sisters. only, haha). i know boy really really well. i always loved boys. i loved being their friend, i loved screaming alongside them at games (though i am not a sports fan) while drinking beer and sometimes i forget that i absolutely should not belch in public (did it at a coffee house much to tim’s chagrin).

i was terrified at the prospect of having twin daughters…felt like my stomach fell out from the bottom when the thought hit me that there could be two of them in there. and my utter relief when i heard it was boys, well, it makes me feel a little ashamed. because now i wonder what i will not be learning as i do not plan to mother again.

boys i know, always have. i am completely daunted by the idea of raising a girl. half the time i still feel like i am trying to figure out what it means to be one myself.

By: Painted Maypole

Painted Maypole — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 20:43:08 +0000

as the mother of a solo girl, i often look on at boys in amazement and wonder how i would deal.

as far as the superbowl goes, this year was the first that i ever really watched. And that was because of our beloved NOLA Saints. normally i avoid it like the plague

By: MaryLUE

MaryLUE — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:42:59 +0000

Hmmm. I have a Super Bowl gone wrong story I should share some day. It ends with a young, hormonal, still immature Mary telling a handful of people to F-off and then running to my boyfriend’s room to cry hysterically. (I’m still simultaneously embarrassed at my lack of self-control that day and pissed off at the insensitive jerks that provoked it.)

Anyway, for some reason, I wanted a boy. I could not even articulate at the time why. I had one brother who I was not close to and who was something of a bully. I had one sister with whom I shared an intense sibling rivalry. I cried with relief when my son was born.

And then I was a boy-mom for 8 years before crossing over to the other side. My friends laughed at me because I was so reluctant about to have a daughter. Pink and purple explosions and Barbies and all that jazz. Blech. It has turned out okay. She’s an atypical girlie-girl. We do pink, purple, Barbies, and Hannah Montana. But we also do farts and gutteral noises and horrible messes.

All of this is apparently just my excuse to talk about my own experience!

I do think it is good for us to experience the unexpected through our children. Our tendency to label people is challenged when our boys and girls either act within those stereotypes or refuse to.

It keeps us on our toes.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 00:50:21 +0000

It’s a parenting landmine sometimes… there are definitely different parenting skills at hand for each gender. Having 2 of each is showing me that there are so many differences, sometimes not even applicable to gender. Just to humanity, and personality. Tomboy daughters & sensitive, affectionate sons buck the system. But it is a good thing to experience both. To learn to parent better as you figure out what they *need.* Thoughtful read, Bon.

By: Jane

Jane — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:49:47 +0000

Bonnie-I love how you described in your post about how you’d send (in your sketches) the boys to the basements. The whole boy-thing was foreign to me. Had one sister and never really dated until university, so males seemed foreign and weird to me. They still do, save for my husband, who really doesn’t fit into the stereotypical male mould. Though, he would have enjoyed watching the Superbowl, if there hadn’t have been child-related activities to trump the show…oops, I mean game.

I’ve a boy and a girl. The boy’s only 11 months old, so he’s still pretty young. I still do see differences b/n the two. The boy’s quite physical, and destructive, compared to what my daughter was like at the same age. He’s also a big flirt with women. My daughter could’ve cared less. Not sure if it’s a gender thing or birth-order thing, which makes them different. I was concerned when I found out # 2 was a boy during the 20 week ultrasound, that I wouldn’t know how to relate to him or know how to manage. I’ve learned, over the past 11 months that even though he’s of a gender I wasn’t totally familiar with (i.e.) no brothers nor lots of male friends at an early age, I do appreciate the differences my son and daughter have. I’m glad I have one of each!

By: bea

bea — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:51:26 +0000

I had no brothers and never learned to talk to boys until I was twenty, so having Bub has been a huge revelation to me. What I’ve discovered is the innocence of boys, and it’s something I never expected, even as I watched them warily at the mall after the ultrasound that warned me of Bub’s gender. I saw rowdiness and bad behaviour of boys but it’s only now that I see their innocence.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:25:54 +0000

I like what Hannah said about the physicality of boys. I have one of each and that’s what strikes me as the major difference between them — that, and their need to interact with others. (My daughter is always creating relationships between her stuffed dinosaurs, or between the dinosaurs in her drawings, or noticing the relationships between kids at school; whereas my son is all, Is there another person in the room?)

I’m a loner myself so I tend to relate better to boys. Before having children I was afraid I’d discriminate against my daughter — and sadly, I think I do. I am trying very hard to be more girl-like as regards relationships.

By: misty

misty — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:08:08 +0000

Have experiences of being a girl make you afraid of raising a daughter? It did me. Thinking back to when I young, I don’t know how I would have handled me, as a parent.
I think I’m biased in the other direction.