Tue 3 Aug 2010
writers in a dangerous time
Posted by bon under social media meta stuff, stuff to be done, writing stuff
[32] Comments
it ought to be easy.
i wake up and remember that i am in no rush. i remain prone a little longer, half-adrift, one eye pried open to smile at the small child thisclose to my face. today is the first day of the rest of my life, i intone, under my breath. morning dragon fumes escape my mouth, like bandits fleeing a crime. they knock small child over. small child rights self, peers back into the unholy vortex from whence the evil came, and chirps at me up, mommy! go get me some milk, mommy!
small children are resilient in the face of their goals.
i, on the other hand, am having a helluva time weathering the dragon’s breath of change.
+++
i finished my full-time job on Friday. there was dinner and wine. kind things were written in cards. and i thought, good. phew. now onward ho.
i got a research grant and an academic paper and presentation accepted all in the same week, a coupla weeks back. then BlogHer’s Voice of the Week, and news that a social media consultancy gig came through: a surfeit of good things. this week, i present to a writers’ conference about blogs and social platforms, then stand up in the hallowed local Public Library and read. my own stuff. like a writer.
in the blink of an eye, i am all the things i ever wanted to be.
Monday i woke up and snuggled the kids and went back to sleep for an hour. i leapt from the bed to the shower and hustled myself downtown for a coffee shop meeting. an Arctic educational research contract that centres around a documentary film and me conducting social media research and writing papers; good gorgeous interesting stuff. i stayed parked at the coffee shop with my laptop for half the day, walked home, hung out some laundry, read 101 Disgusting Facts about the Human Body to a rapt Oscar and a whirlwind Josephine, played trucks for awhile, then drove out to the beautiful north shore of PEI to have dinner with a group of writers and a literary agent. which involved the best creme brulee i have ever had the pleasure of getting to know, and also some lovely people.
where, you ask, is the problem?
the problem is today. today, i looked at myself in the mirror and the dragon breathed and i cowered.
because i’m on the verge of all these new, intimidating things. they are things that will challenge and push me, force me to juggle three different kinds of writing and exploration all at the same time. they are things that will eat my days with deadlines and yet give me the opportunity to spend my days doing things i love. they are things that will pay poorly, for now; things that trade on the relentlessness of reputational economy and promise a longterm payoff, or two, if i am good. if i can keep up. suddenly, there are no more sick days.
today, i did not know how to value that. today, i feel like a pretender.
in my high school yearbook, amidst the poufy perms and the ghastly high-waisted jeans that scarred the self-images of most of us unfortunate enough to come of age during that era abandoned by all the gods of good taste, you will find my awkward and contrived graduation photo, the one that didn’t look like me even then. big of hair and cheek and beady of eye, i beam saccharinely down on posterity. somewhere next to the photo, by my name or the Simon & Garfunkel quote selected by my youthful hippie self, you will find that i was voted Most Artistic by my graduating class.
i was thrilled by that, for the record. it was amazing – in fact, startling and affirming – to be seen as i saw myself.
i didn’t say so then. i wish i had. i’d spent hundreds of hours doodling away all through my childhood. i did not know that i had worked for the skills i possessed, did not know they were even useful skills. i did not think of what i did as art. but for that one moment, i dared. then i gave my head a shake and called myself a pretender. who was i to think of myself as an artist?
i wish i’d known how to own that gift, attach goals to it, value it.
i did not. and so i put away childish things and i went off to college and i never drew again.
+++
i have been collecting links and stories for awhile now on writing and publishing in the age of social media. a dying trade, they mostly proclaim, and this heartens me. i’m good with decline. it takes the pressure off.
i am afraid to fail.
i have been juggling a full-time job with parenting and blogging and launching some kind of academic credentials so long i no longer remember what it’s like to just…stop. to have nothing i need to write, no deadlines, no stories burgeoning, ideas slipping through my fingers. and it’s only about to ramp up.
every time i stared that fact in the face today, i cursed myself. who do you think you are i hissed privately to think of yourself as a writer? who are YOU to try to play academic?
the writing taunts me. it stretches before me, Sisyphean, slow and sticky, forever unfinished. i have spent a year in a constantly interruptable job and live with two preschoolers. between all that and Twitter, my frayed brain has the attention span of a gnat.
but this time, with this opportunity, i want to value the work i’ve put into these skills i’ve developed. i want to stop being afraid. i want to be resilient in the face of my goals.
after all, my children have the attention span of gnats, too, and they’re not hiding their wants and dreams and lights under a bushel.
so Thursday night i will stand up and read my own words in public. and i will plug away at the synthesis and research and the grant writing of grad student life and i will try to find balance and i will hope against hope that maybe i can make a reasonable life out of these things i love to do when they aren’t scaring the shit outta me.
and i will keep going. because i don’t want to find myself in twenty years time saying, one time? i did all this cool writing and research stuff and then i didn’t know what to do with it or how to value it so i just…stopped.
i don’t want to say that ever again.
32 Responses to “ writers in a dangerous time ”
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Trackback from maryakem (Maryann Kempthorne)
August 4th, 2010 at 1:14 am
get to the library dear @bonstewart. Make them a teensy more scared than u are yourself [link to post] #nosepressedupagainsttheglass -
Trackback from bonstewart (Bonnie Stewart)
August 4th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
last night this felt like it was all about fear. today, in the light, it feels more like leaping in [link to post]




August 3rd, 2010 at 10:25 pm
i totally get this post. keep your head up and shoulders straight.
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:30 pm
Bon,
I am about to embark on a physical journey, a move to another province. I have longed to make this a psychic journey as well, to where I finally step out and seriously try to earn my living by writing, instead of being content with having the odd article published here and there – ones written when I have scraped together a few snippets of time. Thank you for this. I don’t want to stop either.
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Without sounding all fangirl and maudlin, you’re my hero right now. Seriously. I can only imagine the self-doubt. I’m anxious just thinking about it. ;)
Keep on smiling. There will probably be bad days. But oh, the good ones will outweigh them.
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:44 pm
You, you are an incredible writer. You have an amazing ability. I know you will do fantastic in your new endeavours. I know it.
August 4th, 2010 at 12:08 am
So, so right.
If it counts for anything, I am of the opinion that any words you put to paper will be as near to perfect that the difference won’t really matter.
But yes . . . The Fear.
I know The Fear well. Everyone who wants to write for a living does. It’s the knowledge that despite how good you might be, it still all comes down to luck in the end. Luck that the right person will read it, and want to pay you for it. Luck that it will get read by everybody else. Luck that you can be that lucky more than once.
And, let’s face it, even if you are that lucky, you’re looking down the barrel of a life-long Pyrrhic victory. Yes, you’ve done it, but the cost to yourself is staggering, and you have to keep paying it. The rewards, unless you’re King or Palahniuk or the like, are not really enough to make it worth it. Not in any tangible sense, anyway. But for you, they are. The knowledge that, as corny and cliche as it may be, somebody out there, even if it’s just one person, has their life changed for the better by your words . . . that alone is worth it.
Yes, The Fear. It consumes most of us, in the end. I don’t know anybody that doesn’t have a great story they want to tell ‘some day’. But they never will. Because The Fear has teeth, and it’s not afraid to use them.
August 4th, 2010 at 12:20 am
I have nothing witty to add, nothing earthshattering, having just spent 10 minutes or so laughing at the thought of my lover parading in front of my house in a kilt playing bagpipes while farting. I am at a loss.
But I think any of us who touch words and feel that shudder know the fear. You’ve just dared to dance it outside.
August 4th, 2010 at 12:26 am
I always feel slightly less learned than your other commenters and often don’t comment. At the risk of sounding like a total ass (not uncommon), I would hazard to say that for the sinew that carried you through the years since giving up, you cannot quit again. You will be more than you can imagine now, because time and life have made you into the voice and wisdom that belongs on this path.
August 4th, 2010 at 12:35 am
Hey Bon. You have bugger all to worry about. I seem to vaguely remember a discussion we had years ago where I did beseech you to write for a living. I predicted that you were going to be the cat’s miaow (mostly because your ability to do so was glaringly obvious). As I do have the gift of foresight thanks to my Gypsy Great-grandmother and a slightly malfunctioning time machine, I now confidently predict that you be absolutely fine; you will knock everything out of the park once you trust yourself.
Now, i must add that I disapprove of your academic adventure since it can’t help but hinder your writing. It always spoils things. I do realize that feeding yourself and your brood necessitates certain compromises, but I do worry.
As a snob, I must also admit that this mama blogging thing is truly beneath your skill level. You are very good at it, but the subject area is too limited and , frankly, rather a trite topic. Kids are simply not that interesting to anyone but their parents. After the age of 25 they become tolerably entertaining. Furthermore, I have a hard time envisioning that any blog out there will ever become part of the canon. The format lends itself to self-absorption, to the specific rather then the universal.
Anyway, I, for one, can’t wait to read what comes next. Once the last diaper has been changed, the last baby tooth fallen out, etc, i bet you will just bust out and give ol’ Lucy a run for her money.
PS any offended mama blogger out there: I am perfectly aware that i am a pompous ass. If i have given offence, rest assured that it was not my intention to not do so. My chromosomes made me do it.
August 4th, 2010 at 1:12 am
RE: Frank
Oh, I like him.
August 4th, 2010 at 1:34 am
Change & fear usually go hand in hand. From where I type I see a woman full of courage. I believe it is there, even when you feel unable to tap it. Like sun behind a cloud.
Another way to think of it is F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real. Enjoy the adventure and please keep taking us along for the ride!
August 4th, 2010 at 3:04 am
I am thinking of your post awhile back on branding and online identity — on how you have to project who you want to be. Maybe all you need to boost your confidence is an actual physical hat labeled “Writer”!
August 4th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Challenging fun is the best kind of fun. And I agree with Frank – you’ve got bugger all to worry about. You’re fantastic:)
August 4th, 2010 at 9:40 am
“i wish i’d known how to own that gift, attach goals to it, value it.”
I believe in you.
And I get this.
(But, too, it gives me hives:)
xo
erin
August 4th, 2010 at 10:00 am
you guys make me smile. :)
August 4th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
I love this post; I feel this post. And then I read Frank’s comment, and I kind of hate him, but also kind of wish he was talking to me.
I’ll see you in NYC.
August 4th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Frank adores being hated. he’s German. picture him blowing smoke at us all, archly. it is his way of offering love and support.
ahem. not that that excuses things.
he’s actually kind of a doting dad in spite of himself. i suspect all the mommy-blog bashing is actually a cover for the fact that he’d like to do it himself but The Fear of Being Judged a Softie is keeping him down.
August 4th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
You know you’re a writer when you tell your story, your own small tale – and heads nod all across the land. Here’s a nod at you, from down in Georgia – this post is so relevant, in so many ways. You go girl, you go and you do it!
August 4th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I would go to your reading but I know it would make me cry. Your words have a way of doing that. We seem to have very different lives, with few similarities. And yet…..your words touch me so deeply that almost every blog I read, brings me to tears. It is like I am you. Or you are me. THIS is how you can know you are a great writer. To touch a stranger in such a way – few people can achieve this. I read your blog faithfully. Keep up the great work!
August 4th, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Your post hit home, so much so I couldn’t read it in one sitting. I’m in a similar space, with a similar internal struggle, with the added benefit of trying to sell a house and making a big move. Thanks for bringing out the words.
August 5th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Jan,
i’m actually a little afraid I’LL cry at the reading, too. which i hear is NOT what i want to do. ;)
thank you all, for letting me know that there is resonance in this theme of change and daring to write. thanks for letting me know i’m not alone, in the fear. it makes the trying anyway seem less…dumb.
August 5th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
What a truly exciting time of your life! Some spend a lifetime just defining their skills and goals. I wish you much success as you reach for your stars.
I will be thinking of you at your reading tonight.
August 5th, 2010 at 2:45 pm
It takes a great deal of courage to admit to what you love doing and to pursue it, especially if you’ve been tumbled and tossed around by life. Best of luck on the new ventures! I have a feeling this is the beginning of something really great.
August 5th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
I know you can do it, and more, Bon. Total faith in you, tons of love and support too. Imagine me in the front row of your audience, hanky in hand, all attentive, eyes adoring, squealing, red lipstick.
Fear is good. It keeps you on your toes and gives you the little nudges and slaps needed along the way. It helps you find the courage you never knew you have. It shows you that you are actually, fearless.
xoxo
August 5th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
You were great tonight – your reading was more compelling than some, your writing just as (or more) excellent than the rest.
August 5th, 2010 at 10:37 pm
Exciting times, dear Bon. Slurp them up.
August 6th, 2010 at 4:10 pm
You will have done the reading by now and I am sure it will have gone brilliantly. You are a writer already with a worldwide audience whatever Frank may think of the medium! Otherwise I agree with him – there’s bugger all to worry about. Courage!
August 9th, 2010 at 12:02 am
It is an exciting time for you! I know something about that fear…choosing to even attempt to become a doctor was like that for me. It is like standing on one side of the Grand Canyon and saying, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can jump across this thing.” Heh.
August 10th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
We were in elementary school together, and you used to draw the most amazing pictures. I knew back then, you were an artist. You are going to do fantastic!
So glad I stumbled on your ‘notes’.
Oh, and what you said about ‘TU’ church. I laughed, because I feel that way too. LOL
August 14th, 2010 at 6:41 pm
congrats. onward ho.
or, as my acting teacher always said… “now begin”
August 21st, 2010 at 6:17 pm
bon, that you could even question your identity as a capitol-W Writer is incredible. Bafflingly incredible. I wish you so much success. I am a big fan of your writing, and of your mind, actually. (the way you see things and put it out there for others.)
Also, second time today I busted out this Howard Thurman quote: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”